Month: May 2010
Boehner Boned – Sources Report Complete Liver Failure
Dayton, OH – John Boehner, the house minority leader, except inasmuch as he’s never represented a minority, is suffering from advanced liver disease, according to a medical billing rep at his primary care doctor’s office in Dayton, Ohio. This is…
FlashForward Cancelled, and Five Reasons Why That’s Good
The high-budget ABC sci-fi less-than-thriller known as Flashforward has been canceled, and by a few accounts, it’s a tragedy. By many more accounts, however it’s a good thing, and here are just five of the biggest reasons why that’s actually…
Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme
Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — Investigators have uncovered a multi-trillion dollar financial fraud so massive and widespread it has victimized nearly every household in America for decades. According to investigators the so-called “Tax Refund Pyramid” employs many of the same techniques…
France, Tired Of American Jokes, Takes Back Statue Of Liberty.
Paris, France – France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S., has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called…
Here’s How American Idol Can Save (or ruin) the 2011 Season
American Idol easily established itself as a ratings powerhouse in its first season, but now that Paula has left the show, and Simon has likewise finished his last show (though for very different reasons,) the viability of the franchise is…
Realtor Can’t Suppress while Showing Rush Limbaugh’s Manhattan Condo
New York, NY – By now, most people have seen the news that Rush Limbaugh is selling his New York Penthouse condo and moving out of New York due to the high rise in taxes, we recommend to avoid all…
Homeless “Hippie” and Dogs Arrested for Selling Marijuana to Teens
Venice Beach, CA (GlossyNews) — A local homeless man arrested yesterday has been charged with grand theft auto and selling marijuana to minors, according to police. Shaggy Rogers, known only as “Shaggy” on the street, was arrested after propositioning an undercover…
Coal Mine Canaries Plan Protest Over Working Conditions
Weirton, WVa – A group of canaries have put their tiny talons down once and for all and are claiming they have the most hazardous job in the world and should have a place in line for various government concessions….
Paul McCartney Ruled Dead
The Hague, Netherlands (GlossynEUs) — The EU Commission for Historicity today rendered a long awaited verdict on the status of Sir Paul McCartney. The EUCMA investigation was prompted after renewed controversy spawned by audio tapes purportedly from the late George…
Glossy News Names New South America Bureau Chief(s)
South America (GlossyNews) — Industry insiders are saying reclusive, mysterious media titan Brian K. White has struck again, in his seemingly relentless march to replace Rupert Murdoch as the planet’s leading purveyor of nonsense. In the wake of famed journalist…