Boehner Boned – Sources Report Complete Liver Failure

Dayton, OH – John Boehner, the house minority leader, except inasmuch as he’s never represented a minority, is suffering from advanced liver disease, according to a medical billing rep at his primary care doctor’s office in Dayton, Ohio. This is apparently the cause of his orange hue, not the spray-on tanning alleged by his detractors. Read more Boehner Boned – Sources Report Complete Liver Failure

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Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme

Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — Investigators have uncovered a multi-trillion dollar financial fraud so massive and widespread it has victimized nearly every household in America for decades.

According to investigators the so-called “Tax Refund Pyramid” employs many of the same techniques as other financial frauds, but on a much larger scale.

“On one level, this monumental scheme simply gives people back some of the money it already collected from them,” said one investigator. “But the parent organization’s finances are so shaky it has to resort to heavy borrowing and even print its own money just to do that.” Read more Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme

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France, Tired Of American Jokes, Takes Back Statue Of Liberty.

Paris, France – France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S., has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called them wusses for not helping out, French opinion of her one-time ally has deteriorated.

At noon yesterday, a freight ship registered as being the Le Liberte from Marseilles with cranes mounted on the deck, pulled up to the statue and started dismantling it. Men from the ship worked feverishly through the night to break the statue from its mountings.

When asked questions by reporters, the men would answer in French saying things like “Go away, you small intestine of a vermin,” or “I will not speak with militaristic offal!” or “Sacre bleu!” Read more France, Tired Of American Jokes, Takes Back Statue Of Liberty.

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Here’s How American Idol Can Save (or ruin) the 2011 Season

American Idol easily established itself as a ratings powerhouse in its first season, but now that Paula has left the show, and Simon has likewise finished his last show (though for very different reasons,) the viability of the franchise is up in the air. Here are some of the ways the show can save itself, or ruin itself, moving forward. Read more Here’s How American Idol Can Save (or ruin) the 2011 Season

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Realtor Can’t Suppress Laughter while Showing Rush Limbaugh’s Manhattan Condo

New York, NY – By now, most people have seen the news that Rush Limbaugh is selling his New York Penthouse condo and moving out of New York due to the high rise in taxes. He said he would move and he’s keeping his promise so far. Many wish he would have kept his promise to move to Costa Rica if Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill passed as well, but I digress. Read more Realtor Can’t Suppress Laughter while Showing Rush Limbaugh’s Manhattan Condo

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Homeless “Hippie” and Dogs Arrested for Selling Marijuana to Teens

Venice Beach, CA (GlossyNews) — A local homeless man arrested yesterday has been charged with grand theft auto and selling marijuana to minors, according to police. Shaggy Rogers, known only as “Shaggy” on the street, was arrested after propositioning an undercover police officer with a marijuana cigarette that he called a “Scooby snack.”

After being taken into custody, police discovered that Rogers was also wanted for stealing a van owned by his business partner Freddy Jones of Mystery, Inc.  According to the stolen vehicle report, Jones told police he and Rogers had a falling out over the decline of their business, after which he discovered his “Mystery Machine” Van was missing along with his two dogs, Scooby and Scrappy-Doo. Read more Homeless “Hippie” and Dogs Arrested for Selling Marijuana to Teens

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