Paris, France – France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S., has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called them wusses for not helping out, French opinion of her one-time ally has deteriorated.
At noon yesterday, a freight ship registered as being the Le Liberte from Marseilles with cranes mounted on the deck, pulled up to the statue and started dismantling it. Men from the ship worked feverishly through the night to break the statue from its mountings.
When asked questions by reporters, the men would answer in French saying things like “Go away, you small intestine of a vermin,” or “I will not speak with militaristic offal!” or “Sacre bleu!” and other such whimsical French phrases.
By morning, the statue was gone. Americans have reacted to this with the same rude jokes about French hygiene, culinary tastes and loss of world status that they have been making for decades. There was some thought to capturing Dennis Miller, tranquilizing him, then setting him loose in Paris with a megaphone as revenge.
The French have also retaliated in other ways. American cheese is now called ‘Imperialist cheese’ in their country. American Airlines was forced to re-register their name as ‘Fascist Airlines’. American Express has been ordered to start advertising themselves as ‘Aggressor Express’. McDonalds in France is now known as ‘McMonsters’. World nations are calling for a ceasefire, and the Palestinians and Israelis are offering to act as mediators. The UN is looking into the whole mess.
Meanwhile, the Statue of Liberty has been relocated to Colombia for the time being until the Americans come to their senses.