Here’s How American Idol Can Save (or ruin) the 2011 Season

American Idol easily established itself as a ratings powerhouse in its first season, but now that Paula has left the show, and Simon has likewise finished his last show (though for very different reasons,) the viability of the franchise is up in the air. Here are some of the ways the show can save itself, or ruin itself, moving forward.


American Idol can save it self by considering even just a few of the following concepts…

1 – Find the off-beat stars and promote them in their freedom. The run-of-the-mill folks may sell an album or two, but the ratings on the TV side are all about the uncommon. Taylor Hicks brought in mad ratings, as did beatboxer Blake Lewis, and rockers David Cook and Chris “Daughtry” Daughtry. Let them explore their own musicality, nurture it, and let it flourish.

We’ve already seen enough Katherine McPhees out there, these generic pop icons are brilliant, but dime a dozen. Let’s let the truly unique show what they’re made of.

2 – Find an even better Simon, if that’s possible (which it isn’t.) The addition of Ellen was simply brilliant, but the replacement of Paula with Kara was disgusting at best. The TiVo statisticians know it best, we all fast-forward through her inane, self-indulgent commentary, and she could go back to the background of writing second-rate filler for the more famous in a second and none would lament the loss.

3 – Ratchet-back-up the vitriol in the early weeks. We all loved watching the train wreck that is the early eliminations. Simon had to tone it down in later seasons, and it’s a big loss. A lot of viewers only tune in for that, and they can’t “stay” if they tune out after the first two episodes.

4 – Get the hell real about web integration… So many fan sites have been taken offline, and so many clips that aren’t available on DVDs or any official website have been legally challenged and removed as well. Recognize your fans, understand that they own computers, and that they want to see things when and how they want to. Accept it, embrace it, and throw some ads on it, and next thing you know you’ll find that missing television audience you’ve been missing all this time.

5 – Bring Paula back and cut that worthless Kara out of the show. She’s only dragging it down, and Paula, even with her faults, is a much better judge in the mix.


American Idol can destine itself to ruin in any number of ways, but here are just a few:

1 – Replace Simon with an inane fucktard of a depth so shallow it could only be described as Perez Hilton. I know it may seem on the surface like he has a following, but those stalkerazzo are already watching American Idol, and for every new visitor tuning in, three will tune out, myself included.

2 – They could ramp-up those jackwads in the mosh pit with the waving hands. They drive me crazy. Us viewers on television aren’t idiots, we know when a song is good, we don’t need the wavy-handy-jobbers swaying back and forthy, in ill-coordinated concert. It’s distracting, it adds nothing, and in many cases, it just annoys.

3 – Stock the finals with even-Steven, boring contestants. I know there are a easily 20-30 clowns that sound like generic pop stars, but we want an icon, so give us someone to root for. Crystal Bowersox proved once again that being different is actually a good thing. She didn’t have traditional good looks or much of a stage presence, but man could that girl wail, and the viewers agreed. Failing to fill the ranks with more like her will only prove disastrous. As a die-hard Idol fan, I didn’t even watch Blake’s year because everybody was so-so and plain, save for Blake, who was an obvious blowhard-douchebag, a combination that can prove dangerous in the sanitary realm to say the least.

4 – If you let Simon split off the viewership to his new show. If it runs in the same season, it’s big trouble, and even more so if it’s at the same time. Even if it runs an hour earlier or later, it will split the audience, and both will struggle, both seemingly unaware that television is a dying format.

And Simon, you will be missed, but not for long, because your X-Factor show will quickly split the viewership from Idol, dooming both to failure in the already waning ratings race. Don’t you guys know that TV is a dying format? We’ll see more of Simon for a year or two, but nothing from Simon or Idol after that, as it’s all a waiting game trying to ride out the tidal wave of new media before it crashes over your heads.

Surely you guys have to realize that the eyeballs are all over here on the web, and over here, we work largely for free, despite our conspicuous lack of Bentleys and high class hookers.

Author: BK Satire Webmaster

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

1 thought on “Here’s How American Idol Can Save (or ruin) the 2011 Season

  1. Perfect time for an AI makeover!
    Reinvent, revamp or end soon!

    Focus on Relevance & Relationship:

    1. Scouting for more current, creative and definitely charasmatic contestants!
    Such as ADAM, he was great tv, exciting “water cooler ” moment makers.
    2. Creating more current creative theme nights that better connect with contestants/fans (ridding of disco, rat pack nights, etc.).
    3. Bringing back the idea of having a revolving guest mentor/judge chair.
    -Bigger hit-making, popular, legendary guest judges. The revolving chair panel on SYTYCD keeps things dynamically interesting.
    4. Permanent judges need differentiated comments focusing on certain skill set areas: stage presence/performance, musicianship, industry marketing ability, etc. They need to start sounding different & dissecting the many aspects of a performances. Disagree more, aggree differently. Randy, get new vocabulary!
    Yes go there, many fans have left for lack of transparency, “this show is rigged” mentality is increasing. Judges need have a say too, a la DWTS.
    6. NEW JUDGE should be a respected music industry insider that is upfront, tells it like it is but with more industry insight to focus on marketability of contestants. Simon is definitely replaceable but with a more powerful music industry giant!

    -Showcase the contestants MORE by presenting more bio, personal challenges, unique characteristics, utilizing more behind-the-scenes mini video clips (during the week) and early on. Show their challenges of rearranging songs, practicing difficult vocals, socializing more, more duet collaborations!
    -Give them weekly creative music challenges/projects (song writing) a la NTModel & RPDRace.
    That would engage both contestants & fans, reinforcing relationships.
    Use more twitter, skype fan participation during the show, Make fans apart of the shows interaction.
    -Have a green room or behind-the-scenes meeting area where ELLEN can focus on humor and commenting on personalities, mini-talk show, how u think u did, kiss n cry area like in skating & DWTS.
    -Maybe have a Net Cafe meeting area where contestants are interacting with fans via twitter, skype etc. More social networking/interaction with fans where they get to vote on a contestants next song choice.
    -RYAN keep the show moving & focus on contestant storyline. End on time!

    ULTIMATELY, need bolder, creative, cutting-edge prducers & writers! They seem so complacent & lack imagination! Finally win an award, so much potential to be an award winning show!!!
    It’s up to the heads of AI, if the have any brains!

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