Dayton, OH – John Boehner, the house minority leader, except inasmuch as he’s never represented a minority, is suffering from advanced liver disease, according to a medical billing rep at his primary care doctor’s office in Dayton, Ohio. This is apparently the cause of his orange hue, not the spray-on tanning alleged by his detractors.
John Boehner has been famous for years for his uncommon orange tint, but the liberal media elite have derided him as a “pompous ass of self-absorbed inanity,” a claim which seems a bit callous in retrospect.
“We couldn’t be happier,” said Al Franken, junior Senator from Minnesota. “We’re just pleased to learn he wasn’t addicted to tanning… that could cause cancer.”
Medical experts consulted for the story suggested that it was an evident diagnosis, as plainly no human being, let alone one from Ohio, living in Washington, DC, would ever self-elect a pallor for themselves such as the one representative Boehner has shown.
Congressman Boehner has indicated that, despite his illness, he will run for re-election, as his abbreviated life-expectancy and elevated billiruben count only makes him more “real American”.
He has also requested that constituents refer to him by his traditional family name of John Boehner, pronounced “BO-ner”, moving forward.
As big a joke as I think he is, we shouldn’t be gloating about a guy being sick.