Month: April 2010
Fox Un-cancels “24” Amid Rumors of Threats from Sutherland
An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as…
The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Lady” Found Still Laying There
Emily Fletcher, the lady made famous by the line, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,“ was found in her dilapidated home after a long and tortuous 20 years of numerous abandoned attempts to make it to the couch. She…
Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against American Poodle
SAN FRANCISCO, CA (GlossyNews) — Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim poodle named Crystal accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. “Crystal has been seeing Herb at a local dog…
CIA Caught Spying on Afghan Rug – Part I of I
As related to Glossy News by a well informed cabbie in New York City. Former CIA operative turned whistleblower, Frank Turner, shocked the nation this past Friday recounting his recent hardships in front of a live television audience. Turner, who…
Hitler Found Living in Mexico with Conjoined Jewish Twins
MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Shocking reports out of Mexico City suggest that Adolf Hitler is alive and has been cohabitating with conjoined Jewish twins Golda and Miriam Slotski since 1962. “I saw him. I swear I did. I couldn’t…
Jesus Added to ‘No Fly’ list
Cairo, Illinois (GlossyNews) TSA director Laurie Partridge faced harsh questions this week in her appearance before the House sub-Committee for Members We don’t know What to do With. Ms. Partridge explained to the allegedly powerful HCMWW, the Savior of the…
Pelosi’s Secret Agenda Revealed
“…We will go through the gate. If the gate is closed, we will go over the fence. If the fence is too high, we will pole vault in. If that doesn’t work, we will parachute in.” – Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House
Healthcare Bill ‘deemed’ Passed in House – Yea or Nay Obsolete?
Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The U.S. House of Representatives passed the America’s Affordable Health Care Choices Act–without ever voting on it. With votes for passage of the bill in short supply, the House Democratic majority simply “deemed” the contentious bill…
French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back
Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their enraged Chinese counterparts. The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where…
Historian Casts Doubt on Helen Keller Legacy
BOSTON, MA (GlossyNews) — First-time author Calvin Klavan has touched many nerves with his newly published, “The Keller Fraud: It was just a bad astigmatism.” In the 657 page narrative, Klavan posits a seemingly bizarre take on Keller, the beloved…