MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Shocking reports out of Mexico City suggest that Adolf Hitler is alive and has been cohabitating with conjoined Jewish twins Golda and Miriam Slotski since 1962. “I saw him. I swear I did. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but I definitely saw him,” insisted Elvis impersonator, Joel Dixon.
Others disagreed and suggested that the toothbrush-mustachioed imposter simply was dressing like Der Fuhrer for attention. “Some people will do anything to get people to love them,” said one bystander.
“And if it is him,” said another, “this Hitler guy is just looking for his 15 more minutes of fame. It’s pathetic.”
Despite differing opinions on the authenticity of the alleged sightings, those with formerly close ties to the deposed Nazi leader suggest that maybe it’s time historians revisit their assessments of Adolf Hitler.
“If this is true,” said a former Hitler pal, inexplicably requesting anonymity, “then we should give the guy a little credit. I mean, if he’s been living with Golda and Miriam for decades, don’t you think that shows some personal growth? Both women not only are Jewish, but they’re Polish too. I mean, could it get any worse than that?”
“Actually, Miriam is half Episcopalian,” added another unnamed Hitler supporter. The two then argued over whether separation of the conjoined twins would make Golda 100 percent Jewish or whether she would remain one-third Episcopalian.
Stunned German officials dispute the report and wish that everyone could just forget about World War II.