Jesus Added to ‘No Fly’ list

Cairo, Illinois (GlossyNews) TSA director Laurie Partridge faced harsh questions this week in her appearance before the House sub-Committee for Members We don’t know What to do With.

Ms. Partridge explained to the allegedly powerful HCMWW, the Savior of the world was in no way singled out; it shouldn’t be seen as a religion thing.

Sitting next to her legal counsel Adam Lambert, who was wearing a stylish red Versace leather jacket, Ms. Partridge said, “We don’t profile people, but we do profile people, right?”

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After the laughter and winks subsided, Ms. Partridge continued. “This is just like the time Keith bumped the bus into that couple, and they showed up in court with neck braces. The reaction is clearly exaggerated, and in my opinion exploited for personal gain.”

That statement garnered harshest criticism and withering questions from HCMWW chair Bart Stupak. “I’m pro-life, and in my long tradition of being pro-life, I ask you Ms. Partridge, from a pro-life perspective, how do you know those people in the neck braces weren’t seriously injured? And I’m pro-life by the way.”

The tense atmosphere was only broken by Senator Liebermann wandering through aimlessly. Counsel Adam Lambert shrewdly used the time to whisper in his client’s ear.

After security officers escorted Liebermann to his place at the Senate Committee for Pretend Legislation, Ms. Partridge recovered splendidly, according to observers.

“Congressman Stupak, this is not about the time Keith hit that couple. I stand by my brother, even though he is about the worst driver on the planet. I was called here to answer this issue of Mr. Christ being added to the ‘no fly’ list, and I respectfully request you limit your questions to that matter.”

An obviously shaken Stupak said, “As a pro-life Democrat, I certainly understand that Ms. Partridge, because I’m pro-life. While our nation reveres the separation of Church and State, I think your putting Jesus on the ‘no fly’ list was bad, and I say that as a pro-life Democrat.”

After some more whispering with counsel Lambert, TSA director Partridge explained. “This is merely a policy matter. Mr. Christ, a Palestinian, comes from a region termed a ‘hot zone’ by our State Department, has no visible means of support, and an arrest record.”

Reached for comment, beloved televangelist Pat Robertson said, “Monkey spit monkey spit, voodoo, umbrella, bicycle, bicycle!”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.