An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as tabloid websites were reporting that Kiefer Sutherland, star of the popular action thriller, had begun intimidating and threatening executives at Fox over the shows early demise.
The execs say there is “absolutely no truth” to the rumors and that the renewal was just a change of heart on their part. “We realized the show is amazing and that we had acted a bit prematurely in canceling it,” said head of programming Kevin Reilly. “We love 24, and we love Kiefer. I also love my family. I love them very, very much.” Asked what that non-sequitur had to do with the Fox show, Reilly broke down crying.
The New York Times also got in on the story when the paper obtained a recording of a threatening message left on Rupert Murdoch’s voicemail from an unknown caller.
“At first we thought the threat had to do with all the craziness going on about the health care bill,” New York Times executive editor Bill Keller said. “Then we listened to it and it was just some gravelly voiced guy threatening Murdoch for putting the country in danger by depriving it of ‘everyones favorite CTU agent’.”
Keller said he couldn’t tell if the caller was Kiefer Sutherland or not, just that the individual on the tape was most definitely very disturbed. “Whoever it was went into graphic detail about how he planned to torture Murdoch’s pet poodle with nothing but a pair of pliers,” he said. “He kept saying Murdoch had to bring Jack Bauer back otherwise Fluffy would suffer the consequences.”
NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said the police are looking into the incident.
“It appears that the caller wasn’t working alone,” he said. “Someone, perhaps a plucky young computer expert helping this plays-by-his-own-rules caller, hacked into the phone company’s records and erased all evidence of the call.” He said they still have no leads or suspects at this time.
Representatives of Sutherland deny he had anything to do with the voicemail or any other reported threats to people working at Fox. A press release issued from Sutherland’s publicist called the rumors, “as ridiculous as calling water-boarding torture.”
On the set of 24, currently filming the last episodes of it’s eighth season, Sutherland said he was very happy with the turn of events.
“It’s crazy, I know,” he said. “One day we’re canceled and the next we’re not. Go figure?”
“I guess their conscience got the best of them,” he added. “I’m glad something or someone persuaded them to do the right thing. Now we can all get back to working together again, with all ten of our fingers intact.”
Under the current renewal contract, next year’s ninth season would be the last for 24. The contract also locks Sutherland into a deal to star in 7 the following year. Sutherland has been developing 7 for the network for about a year now. That show’s first season will supposedly take place over the course of seven days of one week and has been described as “a romantic sitcom, with torture.”
In other, unrelated, news, Murdoch announced plans for an upcoming movie which will feature Kiefer Southerland as writer, director and star.
Very funny stairical piece, too bad it isn’t true lol!
bellend