Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows the teaching in public schools that man has evolved from a lower order of animals.
“It’s stupid, really,” said head ape, known only as Mubundo. “We’ve been sitting out there in that sweltering hell-hole for thousands of years and are we human yet? I think one of our guys learned to stab a termite with a twig-that’s about it. Meanwhile you bastards are making ashtrays out of our feet, looking at each other on these fancy gadgets, using your thumbs like there’s no tomorrow, flushing commodes, shooting at each other, setting fires and who knows what else? If we are supposed to turn into humans-well it ain’t hap-pen-in, and we would really like to get on with our lives as apes and not human wanna be’s. We are here to declare that humans came from humans, not apes. WE came from apes. We don’t care what branch of the family tree you hairless freaks swing from, it ain’t our family…Besides, you fuckers stink…”
Although liberals around the world find it curious that a talking gorilla completely dismisses Darwin’s theory, the Right Wing has embraced Mubundo as one of their own, and have given Mubundo and his entourage the VIP treatment around Washington. On a sign posted at the Hilton Hotel, where a speech by Mubundo is expected to draw record crowds of frothing conservatives, the headline, written in large red, white and blue letters reads: “Come Hear a Republican Ape Deny the Theory of Evolution.”