Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) Both critics and supporters of President Obama are expressing equal measures of dismay by a recent announcement that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore is on the short list to replace Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

Justice Stevens , a 90 year old man everyone thought would cling to his seat until grim death, is finally vacating his his position, paving the way for Obama to nominate his second Supreme Court Justice after Sonia Sotomayor. Political analysts had expected Obama to appease Republicans by nominating someone whose political views lean to the center, rather than radically left.

That speculation went out the window with the announcement that conservative nemsis Michael Moore was on Obama’s short list. Overall, the list consisted mostly of exemplary and experienced nominees, such as Solicitor General Elena Kagan and federal appeals judges Diane Wood. According to the White House press release which disclosed the names of those being considered though, Moore’s name was added at the last minute.

Asked whether that was meant to be a late April fools joke, Obama remained vague. “I don’t know, you tell me,” he said.

“The Democrats are making a mockery of our political system,” Sarah Palin said in response. ” First Stewart Smalley is elected to the Senate and now this. Next he’ll be asking Carrot Top to chair the Fed!”

 “I’ll admit that politically this is a retarded move,” Rahm Emanuel said. “But after everything they did to us on Health Care, it feels really, really good to rub the Republicans’ noses in shit.”

Michael Moore has come out and said he didn’t even know his name was on the list before the announcement, adding to the speculation that it was meant only to make Republicans squirm. “Obviously I am honored and a little surprised,” Moore said from his home in Michigan. ” I have to say my lack of  experience and overall melodramatic nature makes me somewhat of an odd choice for the Supreme Court, but hey, the President knows best.”

While most commentators agree it would be political suicide for Obama to actually nominate Moore, other see the move as genius. “He just lowered the expectations for everyone else on the list,” Republican political strategist Terry A. Nelson said. “Next to Michael Moore, all of the other fairly liberal nominees look like the love children of Anne Coulter and Barry Goldwater.”

After the announcement, Moore took the opportunity to make one of his own about his next film project, tentatively titled “Confirm This!” He said, without a trace of irony, that it will focus on the absurd, catty and bitter battles that take place to get someone seated to the Supreme Court.

(Ed Note: the attached picture is not an actual picture of Michael Moore, but rather a much more animated, thoughtful and lifelike marionette. Maybe next time our requests for comments won’t go unanswered. )

Author: stuyv

I am a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, folded into a cunundrum, shrink wrapped in a riddle and laminated in secrecy. Otherwise, I'm just a normal guy who writes in his free time in the hope of one day hitting it big like George Lucas (i.e. creatively stumble upon an iconic story I can milk for all its worth before inevitably losing my mind and talent).

3 thoughts on “Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives

  1. Norbert, I have to say I saw your previous post and was shocking to see I had been scooped on who was actually being nominated!
    Either way, I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

  2. Loved this. Hysterical and well written.

    I recently broke the story that Obama would nominate Oprah, but Michael Moore is true political hardball.

    Best wishes,
    norbert b. snortwhistle

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