Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and others down with him in the fallout.

The story about town is sometime late last year, a mysterious Chinese man concocted a scheme to seemingly save Murdoch’s life and in doing so, was given free access to Murdoch 24/7. The details are extremely sketchy, but the gist of the rumors is that this man was able to slip a mickey into Murdoch’s brandy after everyone had retired to their staterooms on Murdoch’s 184 ft. yacht, Rosehearty.

The supposedly close friend and confidant of Mr. Murdoch then began to secretly tape the conversation he was having with Rupert, the end result being that Murdoch quite easily spilled the beans on a number of topics he was lead to believe were private confidances. What was this man’s motive? Simply to keep Murdoch from furthering his reach into Chinese politics as he had done with American politics.

A scant few have seen the tapes, let alone listened to them, but a few stories have emerged as follows:

“Yes, yes, Paul, I was delighted to be able to get Sarah (Palin) to agree to head up the tea party rallies, but I have to tell you, she doesn’t come cheap,” he said. “She is one savvy business woman. I am spending millions on her and her entourage to travel all over the country giving her speeches. And I’ll let you in on a little secret…the ‘Going Rogue’ book? That was my idea. Pretty clever huh? I had a couple of my best writers in New York pen that puppy, and then I created all that hub-bub to make it look like she was a first class novelist. But she sure did get me fired up when she began to ask for more, more, more, using me as her private banker. ‘I want a jet, not a lousy bus. I need a new wardrobe. I want diet Dr. Pepper stocked in the limo.’ Yes sir, she’s expensive but she is effective.”

In another part of the tapes, Murdoch is supposedly led into a conversation about Glenn Beck. “That dildo,” says Murdoch, “I had to clean him up, get him sober and get him off the damn juice, but he ended up on my side of the court and now he knows he can’t even take a crap unless I say he can take a crap. I’ll let you in on a little secret. That rodeo clown thing? He hates it but I make him call himself that to keep him in line. I love watching him grovel as he goes on tape telling everyone he’s a rodeo clown. Serves him right. He was on the wrong side of the Lord for way too long and this is his penance. All I have to do is flash a few mil in his face and he’ll say and do just about anything I want for the almighty dollar. Yeah, in Beck’s case, money does the talking. He’s just the mouthpiece. If things start to calm down in this country and Obamer’s numbers start to rise again, I just get Beck to go on a tirade and its instant revolt. God I love this country.”

One wonders why Murdoch is so hell bent on tearing America apart with his partisan political clout. The answer may lie in his childhood. As a child in church, he was told that America was the great whore of Babylon, and as his religious fervor grew, so did his desire to bring America to its knees if he was ever given the chance in order to one day build it back up into the Temple of the Lord.

But this is all just hearsay. Things coming out of smoke-filled back rooms where men whose lives are inexplicably intertwined in one way or the other with this media mogul and no one dares come forward, save for this possibly brave Chinese man who stands to make millions in his own right if he has bigger balls than the man he’s trying to take down by bringing these tapes out into the open and finally exposing Rupert Murdoch as the power-hungry, political tyrant everyone supposes him to be.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at