Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“
In an interview punctuated with controversy, Hardwinkel laid out his case:
“Look-I’ll make it easy for you. From day one God’s been on fire. She is very creative, which is a sure sign of gayness. Big poofy clouds, sparkly stars, sprinkly snow, outrageous sunsets-do you think a straight guy could come up with that? And the wildlife? Just look at an ostrich-if that’s not an example of intransexual design, I don’t know what is! Have you checked out that plumage?”
Hardwinkel goes on to say, “And everyone says that God hates homosexuals, if that is true, that makes her the biggest closet case that ever existed. Just ask any Republican Congressman in your country.”
“And God invented dancing, singing, painting, acting-all gay,” continued Hardwinkel. “And where’s her wife? In 10,000 years she can’t find a wife? Pulleeez…”
When asked about war-would a gay God invent war? Hardwinkel explained, “War is all about drama-Lookout! Drama. Kaboom! Drama. Where’s my legs? Drama…and so there you have it. Case closed.”
But there was one obvious question that had to be asked before the end of the interview-“Why then, I asked, are there straight people procreating all over the planet?” “To make more gay people, of course,” snapped Hardwinkel.