Month: March 2010
Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence
Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start…
Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX
LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor,…
Discount Abortion Coupons Threaten to Sink Health Care Bill
Washington D. C. (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s purposed Health Care overhaul has encountered a new series of setbacks, after both Democrats and Republicans introduced additional provisions sure to tie the bill up in debate for some time to come.
Sarah Palin Wants to Lead the NAACP
Baltimore, MD (GlossyNews) — The Membership Council of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) announced this morning that they were reviewing an application for membership from Sarah Louise Palin. Only two hours later, Mrs Palin held…
Lil’ Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery
NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request…
Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage
PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is. The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex…
Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator
WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will…
Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional
Washington, D.C. (GlossyNews) — What began as a commemorative event to honor the exhibition of an original copy of the United States Constitution at the new Capitol Visitor Center, quickly escalated to an impromptu ruling by the Supreme Court that…
80-year-old Burglar Gets Life In California Prison
TORRANCE, CA (GlossyNews) — An 80-year-old woman with a criminal record stretching back to 1955 has been sentenced to die in state prison for the theft of petty cash from a local temporary staffing office. Activists have criticized the judge’s…
Largest Ever Coprolites Found Half Buried in Palin’s Back Yard
Last week, while Sarah Palin was busy making her rounds on the Tea Party circuit, expounding her views on who is and who is not a true Patriot, a group of Palintologists were busy digging up dirt in Palin’s own…