WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — CIA Director Leon Panetta released today a portion of a captured al Qaeda suicide bomber job interview. In the scene, the jihadist recruiter attempts to determine if he should take a chance on the earnest young man seated before him:
Mahmoud el-Zarwarti: I wish to apply for the internal explosives unit.
Interviewer: Prior experience?
el-Zarwarti: Uh, fondness for Mexican food.
Interviewer: Current occupation?
Interviewer: Accepted. Would you prefer your 72 virgins in one lump sum or doled out over five years?
el-Zarwarti: Neither. I am not interested such pleasures.
Interviewer: Your reward, then?
el-Zarwarti: 72 sturgeon. Fresh caught.
Interviewer: Done. Next man.