New Conservative Book: Everything We Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten

The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called ‘Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten’. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents who can read that it rivals the success had by the coming out of Sarah Palin’s ‘Going Rogue’. The pundits of both groups are partying like it’s 1899.

Select chapters from the book include:

101 Seemingly Innocent Ways to Get People’s Attention And Keep It.
Playground Power Techniques- How To Use Muscle And Mouth In Ways That The Teacher Doesn’t Notice.
How To So Bamboozle People That You Can Make Them Think Your Dirty Diapers Are Really Clean.
Using Fibs To Play With Peoples’ Heads.
Whine Without Sounding Like You’re Whining.
Inflict Guilt To Get What You Want.
Hold Your Breath Until You Get Your Way.

Special Glenn Beck Section:
The Value Of Tears In Gaining Sympathy.
The Fine Art Of Putting Down People To Make You Look Smart.
Acting Cute WILL Get You Somewhere!

Special Ann Coulter Section:
Gaining Prestige By Making Someone Else Look Bad So That You Look Good.
Make Tirades And Tantrums Look Like Educated, Intelligent Discourse.
Being A True Bitch Can Be Profitable.

The Repubs claim that using the insights given in this book will give one the talent to take control and move into the power zone in any American societal or political environment that one finds oneself. The methods needed to keep that power are laid out in a book put out by the same publisher called ‘The Prince- Part II’ by selected senior conservative correspondents with references to Machiavelli. The new Prince refreshes ideas presented in the original giving them a modern tone. All proceeds from both books will be used to build Ceasarian palaces on a Saddam-like scale for the leaders of the Republican Party who will be taking over in 2012.

Breaking News!!!- Roger Fulghum, author of the bestseller ‘Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Kindergarten,’ is suing the conservatives for stealing ideas from his book, including the concept. Mr. Fulghum is currently at work on a new volume entitled ‘I Wish To Hell They Had Taught Me Something About The Legal Business in Kindergarten’.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at