Month: February 2010
Birthers — Less Relevant than David Cassidy?
Mexicali, BC, Mex (Noticias Mexicanas) In these troubled economic times, some doubt the old paradigms of Democrat and Republican remain relevant, pointing to ever growing fragmentation on both ends of the political spectrum. Their thesis seemed to gain credence this…
Al-Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Texas Crash
AUSTIN, Texas – A Spokesman for the international terror and hedge fund Organization al-Qaeda has moved swiftly to claim responsibility for the Texas Kamikaze bombing to strike fear into conservative-Texas hearts, at least those of the Texans inside the building…
Bristol Palin Goes on Celeb Show to Prove She’s “One of Us”
The famously chaste and modest “non-retard” Bristol Palin has chosen to take a large six-figure sum to appear on a reality show to prove that she’s just a regular girl from a regular family, just like the rest of middle…
Liz Cheney Calls Rachel Maddow “Hot”
This past week the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) got underway in Washington, D.C., and there were no real surprises in front of the cameras, save for that magical moment when Dick Cheney appeared out of nowhere to chants of…
Man Living with Parents Mauled to Death by Cougar
OTTAWA, ON – After winning a lengthy legal battle for the right to keep exotic cougars on his property in rural Ontario, Buford Starwarrior was mauled to death by a 125-pound animal. Starwarrior, a 26-year-old shut-in and aspiring comic book…
Officials Discover Al Qaeda Operating Rogue Aviation Network: Low Fares but Horrible Safety Record
TIMBUKTU, Mali – In early 2008, an official at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security sent a report to his superiors detailing the most significant development in aircraft usage since 2001: al Qaeda has been operating a rogue aviation network….
The McQueen is Dead — Waifs Around the World Panic
LONDON, U.K. — Shock waves rattled the foundations of the fashion industry Thursday when designer Alexander McQueen’s death made headlines. McQueen, 40, was found unresponsive at his London home. Paramedics pronounced him dead at the scene, with preliminary reports calling…
Toilet Paper Nation–Youngest Grassroots Movement to Take on Washington
Butte, MT – A new right-wing fringe political movement calling itself the Toilet Paper Nation or (TPN) is the latest and youngest grassroots movement to go after what they believe is a Washington that is out of touch with the…
Adopt A Highway, Get An Orphan Free
Too many unadopted Georgia Highways, too many Georgia orphans. Answer? Combine the two. At least that’s the thinking of the state legislature here in the Peach State. “We literally have miles and miles of unadopted highways in this state,” says…
Ancient New England Dialect Extinct After Last Speaker Dies
BOSTON, Massachusetts — One of the country’s oldest dialects, which traces its origins to before the American Revolution, has become extinct after the last person to speak it died. Winthrop Quincy Endicott Lowell VI, the last surviving heir to the…