Too many unadopted Georgia Highways, too many Georgia orphans. Answer? Combine the two. At least that’s the thinking of the state legislature here in the Peach State.
“We literally have miles and miles of unadopted highways in this state,” says State Commissioner of Roads and Director of Orphanages, Luther McCoy. “And if we can use clever marketing to get more of these roads and highways taken care of, who’s going to stop us?”
But not every Georgian is keen on this approach. “We only want people who really want to adopt a highway taking on this responsibility. They might sign up for the program in order to take advantage of the free offer, and not really be up to the task of actually maintaining the road or highway that meets the expectations of most Georgians. We have to put the needs of our highway system, first.” says Dwayne Clampett, high school and Sunday school teacher from nearby Robert E. Lee County.
Some Georgians are finding other reasons for adopting a highway–free meat. “On a good week I can harvest a good 10-15 pounds of meat from my highway,” recent highway adopter and new father Bobby Don Vitter says. “Not all the meat I harvest is top shelf, or even fit for humans, it all depends.
If a raccoon, for example, is just hit by a car and dies, we call that a “grilled” raccoon, and it is usually perfectly fine. But if that same raccoon gets run over by a car, then that is a “blackened” raccoon, and the meat retains a lot of the tire and asphalt flavor no matter how carefully you scrape it off the road. I can hardly even eat blackened raccoon, but my orphan loves it. He says it tastes like chicken–highly overdone barbecue chicken.”