Month: February 2010
Lil Wayne’s Got Court – Saved by Blingy Chompers
NEW YORK, NY – American rapper Lil Wayne was saved from prison by the teeth figuratively and literally. Born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., the spoken word artiste, spoke to the media about the dramatic turn of events. “Jus’ a couple…
Ask Hank – Missteps, Mistresses and Misfortunes
Dear Hank, I’ve been stringing along this lovely mistress for over a year. How do I tell her that my wife and I are now expecting triplets? We spent an in vitro fortune to get them, so I can no…
Bowling Scandal Diverts Negative Attention from Tiger Woods
CHEYENNE, WY – Still recovering from the Tiger Woods scandal, the sports world finds itself mired in yet another public spectacle. Three-time PBA tour champion Slim “Fats” Fettwanst is suing Lurlene Jenks, owner of the “Preemptive Strikes” 32-lane bowling alley…
How California Grown Ups Play Cops and Robbers
After not being allowed into a California Pizza Restaurant one morning earlier this month, about 100 members of the OpenCarry Movement went to another restaurant in Walnut Creek, CA to show their fire power in full force, except of course,…
Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (1 of 4)
(Book Excerpt) He was not a man, rather a chicken – the biggest chicken the world has ever spawned. Chicken Butt weighed one hundred and forty pounds and stood at six feet, making him the largest chicken that ever lived. He stood on gargantuan chicken legs which devolved into his chicken buttocks…
Hollister Co. Sues Hollister, CA For Existing
HOLLISTER, CA — A group of British executives representing 11 Hollister Co. stores in the United Kingdom suffered through a horrific 48-hour ordeal when they accidentally traveled to Hollister, California, mistaking it for the origin of the eponymous clothing brand.
MSNBC, CNBC Threaten Lawsuit Against Palin
Threatening the first ever lawsuit of its kind, two major media outlets, MSNBC and CNBC are kicking around the idea of asking a Federal Judge to decide if Palin is required under the 1st Amendment to issue free press passes…
Heather Mills Disqualified and Booted Off “Dancing on Ice”
LONDON, U.K. — Heather Mills, former wife of Paul McCartney, has struggled over the past few years to change her public image from that of an attention hungry, gold-digging opportunist to an inspirational role model for disadvantaged women worldwide. Mills…
Can’t Stand Dick Cheney?
Get in on the action. Anonymous Donor has just offered $1 Million to the first person to come up with a plan to wipe that “Smug Ass Look” off Dick Cheney’s face.
Berkeley Sociologists Urge Americans to Stay the Hell Away from Alaska
Since learning of Phil Harris’ death a few weeks ago, sociologists from U.C. Berkeley have been working feverishly to complete a lengthy report on life — and more importantly, death — in the 49th state. Today, they published their preliminary…