MTV Snared in Illegal Promotion Pact with Perez Hilton

If you’d looked at this a year ago, you’d have found that Perez Hilton was either a no-talent ass-clown or one of the biggest trend-setter bloggers in the western world. But if you look at him today you’ll find he’s made some sinister pact with Viacom, and he’s paying it backwards, as he’s wont to do.

Here’s what the break-down looks like:

1 – MTV PROMOTES PEREZ – MTV, a Viacom company, continually pushes Perez Hilton to the forefront. Like when he wanted to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol (even though he never applied for the position, hundreds of others have, and he’s in no material way qualified for the position,) or when he made his totally unfounded Grammy predictions… he’s papparazzo, so how the hell would that qualify him to be a Grammy prediction expert?

Oh right, I get it, it’s because there’s a backhanded, underhanded, ugly, back-office deal between Perez Hilton and Viacom (MTV) to advance cross-promo marketing causes. And Jason has released documents to us verifying it, in the form of email. Does Perez still feel like suing?

Thanks to MTV, Perez has been on the front page of Google News more than 3-times in the last three weeks, which is more than any individual (actual) celebrity, so he’s done well from the deal.

Wait, we know what Perez gets out of the deal, but what does MTV get out of the it?

2 – PEREZ PROMOTES MTV – Perez promotes the hell out of MTV shows, you know, in trade for being promoted by MTV and the gang.

As much as Paris and the rest of Hilton gang must (or sure as hell should) regret not suing him for trademark infringement back when they had the chance (the Hilton’s are not particularly known for their intellect), we can rest assured that Perez and Viacom will come after us for publishing this article. Care to join the over/under better pool? My money is on 9:15am EST Monday, so let’s see.

Go on Perez, sue us, biznitch. We love you, but much as you rose to fame by tagging on to someone else who rose to fame for no real reason, let’s let this impending lawsuit make us (in)famous in kind. Whatever, girlfriend. Let’s dance. We both know the truth, but what you don’t know is that we have proof of what you did, and you can justify it to high-stanky-heavens, but denial only works when nobody is looking. Just ask Congressman Buyer if you don’t believe me on that one.

Perez is a trend-setter, and whatever he writes quickly becomes a truth as gospel as the lies of the Bible… and he writes about MTV stars with uncommon frequency. The Hills? Jersey Shore? Laguna Beach? Is anybody else paying attention to these Pereztrends?

We’re NOT Saying
What we’re not saying is that Perez Hilton is a mashed-up bucket of fuck-tard draped in last year’s oddly over-sized fashions, nothing of the kind. He’s a brilliant marketeer, though still an f’d up bucket of idiot on a good day. No, what we’re saying is that he’s made a devil’s pact with Viacom/MTV, and it’s his legal obligation to disclose it openly rather than run a cross-promo where they help keep him famous so he can keep promoting MTV shows in his admittedly marketing-savant capacity.

I’d love to beg Perez to come clean, but he doesn’t own a spin machine on the order of Viacom, so they’ll come out clean and hang him out to dry… and it’s going to smell like day-old taint, I suspect… that might be satire, but the interpretation of satire requires intelligence, so let’s see how this goes from here.

We have a LEGAL page on the site, you can sue us there ladies.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

3 thoughts on “MTV Snared in Illegal Promotion Pact with Perez Hilton

  1. Hey Shannon… it’s because there’s an FCC guideline that says relationships like these have to be publicly declared out in the open, you know, so you know when you’re seeing something based on cross-promo influence, rather than legitimate newsy-interest.

    Sorry a satire site had to educate you on it. 🙁

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