Category: Top Stories
Trump Signs Executive Order Banning All Masks
On Friday, President Trump signed an executive order banning all masks after he was photographed while wearing one, a “pleasure” he did not want to give the press, according to Trump. While the legality and practicality of enforcing this executive…
Hallmark Addresses LGBTQ+ Discrimination Accusations
Dear Viewers, As of late, our producers received several demands for diversity within our movies. Our strong white cis actor presence is something we recognize. Although we do not understand what “cis” means, a heterosexual female employee who once drunkenly…
Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit
Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you…
Trump’s Tchotchkes: White House Souvenir Shop / Going Out of Business Sale
Trump Lego Maker’s Kit: To build impregnable wall. Biden Ukraine T-shirt: Biden Senior & Junior pictured. Caption: “Ukraine, You Saw, We Conquered.” Golfing POTUS: POTUS playing golf with NASCAR stars. Colin Kaepernick, Steph Curry, Lebron James and Megan Rapinoe photo-shopped…
Nation of Self-Obsessed Attention Hogs Whine About Sea Levels Rising Due to Climate Change
FUNAFUTI, TUVALU– After years of whining and moaning about possible ecological devastation and flooding which would render their entire country uninhabitable, little Tuvalu finally got its moment in the sun when the international press threw the petulant brats a handful…
Breakthroughs in the Quest for Immortality
The quest for immortality is something that has obsessed scientists, philosophers and humankind in general for thousands of years and the idea that we could somehow become exempt from death still fascinates today. Themes of unending existence are littered throughout…
Pro-Plague Demonstrations Continue in Michigan
LANSING, Mich. – Scores of armed protestors swarmed the Michigan state capitol building, demanding to be let out of the suggested, but ultimately voluntary, stay-at-home order the governor issued last month to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Ignoring social…
Trump Claims NYT Op-Eds Unfair
Washington, DC (NYT) A frustrated President Trump apparently unloaded on his advisors that the “Failing” New York Times recent publication of quite erudite Op-Eds by Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders is not fair. He was heard to lament, “my speciality…
Mutharika Makes Statement On Vampires
As the world becomes a smaller place thanks to digital technology, it’s becoming easier than ever to pass ideas from one culture to another. Digital streaming means that we can view films that were made in other countries and in…
TRUMP NEWS CONFERENCE IN THE NEAR FUTURE
Good afternoon, vile, evil, smelly, ugly, evil, evil members of the third-rate reporters who should kill themselves in a disgusting horrible – the pussies should throw acid in their faces. Let’s forget the virus for now. So, so depressing although…