Tag Archive | "Scientology"

Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record


The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky.

It is estimated that since the Church of Scientology is currently the popular religion, millions of little boys are at risk of getting their assholes pounded like a bunch of monkeys at the local zoo. Read the full story

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Micro-Religions Gain Market Share to Chagrin of Mega-Churches


This year’s Nielsen Prayer Ratings, considered an important indicator of sociological trends, put numbers to anticipated demographic shifts, yet contained surprises too.

While “Please don’t let her be pregnant” prayers showed expected growth among males 18-25, the 2011 NPR garnered controversy and condemnation among traditional ‘big box’ religious outlets. The study shows a decided move towards secularism. Seen as even more troubling by religion providers is a market share gain for non-mainstream sects. Read the full story

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God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert


Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“

In an interview punctuated with controversy, Hardwinkel laid out his case:

“Look-I’ll make it easy for you. From day one God’s been on fire. She is very creative, which is a sure sign of gayness. Big poofy clouds, sparkly stars, sprinkly snow, outrageous sunsets Read the full story

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Banks Foreclose on Hell — Satan Moves to Scientology Headquarters


Sarasota, Fla (GlossyNews) — Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions to reach an agreement with creditors on the restructuring of Hell’s dept.

“Isn’t that a kick in the teeth,” said Beelzebub, official spokes-demon for the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions. Read the full story

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Birthers — Less Relevant than David Cassidy?


Mexicali, BC, Mex (Noticias Mexicanas) In these troubled economic times, some doubt the old paradigms of Democrat and Republican remain relevant, pointing to ever growing fragmentation on both ends of the political spectrum. Their thesis seemed to gain credence this week, in the splintering of yet another splinter group. Read the full story

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