Trumpisms 7.0: Another One for Luck!


Cause of the pandemic?

Trump’s reign became toxic

and his tweets went viral.


Jail to the chef!

What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next?



Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn’t dangerous if you get it,

he should have himself infected to prove his point.


Have faith —

When Trump talks about matters he knows about,

he lies compulsively;

but when he talks about medicine and science,

you can take it to the mountebank.


The presidential hopeful flew to Florida

and started climbing palm trees.

A news reporter asked:

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Money matters in elections.

So I’m greasing the palms.”


No one is more hip than Trump,

transforming the nation from




Trump is a virus.

One day it will be like a miracle.

He will disappear.


Ah! No wonder he thinks

he owns this business

and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them.

The origin of the word is French —

par Don


Donny Boy,

when thinking about immigration, remember

the huddled masses

aren’t losers;

they haven’t given up.

They’re huddled to decide on the next play.


Trump deserves credit.

He is indeed uniuqe

Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid;

and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant.


Trump is more or less correct.

The more-on

learns no less-ons.


When Trump heard that people are stocking up

for the coronavirus,

he was delighted.

What’s good for the stock market is good for the nation.


What cartoon character is a role model for Trump?

Tweety Bird.


“Fox” in German

is “fuchs.”

In plain English

it’s “fucks.”


More women should strive to become models,

like Elizabeth Warren —

role models


No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does.

When the primaries are over

he wants to be the one left.


To slow the spread of the coronavirus

authors should regularly use linguistic cleansers

and word sanitizers.


St. Patrick’s Day greeting for Trump —

Bottom of the night to you.


New plan to combat coronavirus —

Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump.


Trump took Latin in high school.

So why should he be afraid of a virus?

He knows that “vir” means man.

It’s manly to have a virus.


Just biden your time.

The sanders in the hourglass

will flow away.


Trump is fighting substance abuse

by preventing the public

from getting information of substance.


Please wear surgical gloves when reading.

Don’t spread the virus to your books.

There are limited beds in book hospitals.


Symptoms of a pandemic —

Stadiums are closed.

Theaters are closed.

Schools are closed.

Businesses are closed.

Minds are closed.


Trump didn’t remember

eliminating the NSC pandemic unit.

He needed to be reminded about that.

He needs to be reminded in general.

Has he ever had a mind?


Trump couldn’t take his own temperature.

That was far too complicated for him to understand.

So he called a temp agency.


Cool it.

No need to panic.

Relax at home,

and watch the old mill streaming.


They finally convinced Trump

to get tested

because the testosterone

would help him with his other problem.


Streaming is becoming obsolete over night.

Everyone is adopting the new video standard.

Covid-19 is everywhere.


God offered Trump wit.

He complained that wasn’t enough.

So God made him a twit instead.


Think positive.

The spread of coronavirus is ending negativity.

Soon everyone will test positive.


Coping with the threat of coronavirus

is like having a baby.

You are likely to end up with

stress marks.


When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century

she was greeted by

Tweetle-dee and Tweedle-dum.

And she was surprised to learn that

Twettle-dum was President of the United States.


Trump banned all pandas

especially performing ones

because he heard that the current health crisis

is a panda mimic.


Trump was prophetic —

He washed his hands

of the coronavirus

at the very beginning.


This problem is unpresidented —

We’re in it because we have no president.


Johnson offered the Great Society.

Trump offers the Great Anxiety.


Removal of Trump from office

is elective surgery

that can’t be postponed.


“What’s tree-age?” asks Trump.

“Is that when you chop down

all trees over 60 years old?”


Product suggestion —

A bull-shit-o-meter.

An add-on for streaming news.

Automatically shuts off the programming

when the level of lies reaches a limit set by the viewer.


No wonder the baseball season was cancelled.

The virus came from bats.


A ninety-old man with severe depression

had a smile on his face.

“What makes you so happy today?” asked his caregiver.

“I now have a reason to live,” he replied.

“I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave.”

Author: Richard Seltzer

Now a publisher of electronic books, I worked for DEC, the minicomputer company, for 19 years, as writer, marketing consultant, and "Internet Evangelist." I graduated from Yale, with a major in English, and earned an MA from the U. of Mass. at Amherst in Comparative Literature (French, Russian, and German). At Yale, I had creative writing courses with Robert Penn Warren and Joseph Heller. Personal web site (with over 1000 documents) My published works include: The Name of Hero, historical novel (Houghton Mifflin) Ethiopia Through Russian Eyes, translation from the Russian (Red Sea Press) "...the most important book on the history of eastern Africa to have been published for a century...." Old Africa The Lizard of Oz satiric fantasy, "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel" Library Journal The AltaVista Search Revolution, the first consumer book about search engines (McGraw-Hill) "indispensable" Library Journal, Winner of the Distinguished Technical Communication Award, the highest award given by the Society for Technical Communication Publications. Web Business Bootcamp (Wiley) Complete list at Follow me on Twitter! @SeltzerBooks

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