184
Cause of the pandemic?
Trump’s reign became toxic
and his tweets went viral.
185
Jail to the chef!
What half-baked idea will Trump come up with next?
186
Suggestion:
Since Trump is confident that the virus is easily contained and isn’t dangerous if you get it,
he should have himself infected to prove his point.
187
Have faith —
When Trump talks about matters he knows about,
he lies compulsively;
but when he talks about medicine and science,
you can take it to the mountebank.
188
The presidential hopeful flew to Florida
and started climbing palm trees.
A news reporter asked:
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Money matters in elections.
So I’m greasing the palms.”
189
No one is more hip than Trump,
transforming the nation from
democracy
hypocrisy.
190
Trump is a virus.
One day it will be like a miracle.
He will disappear.
191
Ah! No wonder he thinks
he owns this business
and can sell them or do whatever he wants with them.
The origin of the word is French —
par Don
192
Donny Boy,
when thinking about immigration, remember
the huddled masses
aren’t losers;
they haven’t given up.
They’re huddled to decide on the next play.
193
Trump deserves credit.
He is indeed uniuqe
Never has anyone so ignorant been so stupid;
and never has anyone so stupid been so ignorant.
194
Trump is more or less correct.
The more-on
learns no less-ons.
195
When Trump heard that people are stocking up
for the coronavirus,
he was delighted.
What’s good for the stock market is good for the nation.
196
What cartoon character is a role model for Trump?
Tweety Bird.
197
“Fox” in German
is “fuchs.”
In plain English
it’s “fucks.”
198
More women should strive to become models,
like Elizabeth Warren —
role models
199
No wonder Bernie takes the positions he does.
When the primaries are over
he wants to be the one left.
200
To slow the spread of the coronavirus
authors should regularly use linguistic cleansers
and word sanitizers.
201
St. Patrick’s Day greeting for Trump —
Bottom of the night to you.
202
New plan to combat coronavirus —
Tax cuts for everyone who votes for Trump.
203
Trump took Latin in high school.
So why should he be afraid of a virus?
He knows that “vir” means man.
It’s manly to have a virus.
204
Just biden your time.
The sanders in the hourglass
will flow away.
205
Trump is fighting substance abuse
by preventing the public
from getting information of substance.
206
Please wear surgical gloves when reading.
Don’t spread the virus to your books.
There are limited beds in book hospitals.
207
Symptoms of a pandemic —
Stadiums are closed.
Theaters are closed.
Schools are closed.
Businesses are closed.
Minds are closed.
208
Trump didn’t remember
eliminating the NSC pandemic unit.
He needed to be reminded about that.
He needs to be reminded in general.
Has he ever had a mind?
209
Trump couldn’t take his own temperature.
That was far too complicated for him to understand.
So he called a temp agency.
210
Cool it.
No need to panic.
Relax at home,
and watch the old mill streaming.
211
They finally convinced Trump
to get tested
because the testosterone
would help him with his other problem.
212
Streaming is becoming obsolete over night.
Everyone is adopting the new video standard.
Covid-19 is everywhere.
213
God offered Trump wit.
He complained that wasn’t enough.
So God made him a twit instead.
214
Think positive.
The spread of coronavirus is ending negativity.
Soon everyone will test positive.
215
Coping with the threat of coronavirus
is like having a baby.
You are likely to end up with
stress marks.
216
When Alice time-traveled to the 21st century
she was greeted by
Tweetle-dee and Tweedle-dum.
And she was surprised to learn that
Twettle-dum was President of the United States.
217
Trump banned all pandas
especially performing ones
because he heard that the current health crisis
is a panda mimic.
218
Trump was prophetic —
He washed his hands
of the coronavirus
at the very beginning.
219
This problem is unpresidented —
We’re in it because we have no president.
220
Johnson offered the Great Society.
Trump offers the Great Anxiety.
221
Removal of Trump from office
is elective surgery
that can’t be postponed.
222
“What’s tree-age?” asks Trump.
“Is that when you chop down
all trees over 60 years old?”
223
Product suggestion —
A bull-shit-o-meter.
An add-on for streaming news.
Automatically shuts off the programming
when the level of lies reaches a limit set by the viewer.
224
No wonder the baseball season was cancelled.
The virus came from bats.
225
A ninety-old man with severe depression
had a smile on his face.
“What makes you so happy today?” asked his caregiver.
“I now have a reason to live,” he replied.
“I want to outlast Trump so I can spit on his grave.”