Tag Archive | "republican party"

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White,’ Just a Regular Guy (1/2)


The achingly well-meaning notable 3.0 du jour has put his foot in it again. Just read his comments at the recent ‘White Community-Black Community GOP Competitive Co-operation 1000 Dollar Dinner’ in the Seattle Hilton.

You know what, I want to address all you black folks somewhere out there in the audience, and thank you all from the bottom of my coffers… uh, my heart.

Because you guys are more or less exactly my kind of people, and I know you just wouldn’t be here if you weren’t supportive of my agenda… uh, my program.

I really mean that, with all my heart. It’s a bit like, well, you remember that achingly sincere video where John McCain congratulated… uh, what’s that guy’s name again? Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (0)

Donald Trump Thanks Glossy News for Our Unwavering Support


I recently did my bit for Donald Trump on The Spoof. But I’m continuing to support him by reprinting my article here! You’ll see in a moment why I’m doing this 😉

Donald Trump has recently expressed his heartfelt gratitude to every single goddamn satire writer on the face of this earth. But why? Well, I think you already know…

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (0)

Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans


A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars.

Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air.

A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons.

They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other ears to intrude upon: Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Hey Kids: Make Your Own ‘Trump for President’ Bumper Stickers


Hey Kids! Have Some Fun Cutting Out These ‘Trump For President’ Bumper Stickers!!!

Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking and have a blast pasting them all over cars in your neighborhood!

What better way to spend a summer day!

What better way to experience juvenile detention at an early age!

Think of all the no-fun you’ll have!

CHUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!
(NO, IT IS SPELLED RIGHT)

PAID FOR BY DEMOCRATS MESSING WITH THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.

MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR
THE 1%!
VOTE TRUMP!!!!!!!!!

BRING WORLD WAR III IN
WITH A BANG!!!!!!!
TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!

VOTE DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Keep the political satirists and cartoonists
employed for the next four years!

MAKE AMERICA SAFE FOR THE OLIGARCHY!
MAKE TRUMP THE MAN!!!!!!

PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT IN THE U.S.
ANYONE THROUGH SHEER ARROGANCE
AND AGGRESSIVENESS CAN BECOME PRESIDENT

VOTE TRUMP!!!

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Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Scandal: Many Republicans Found To Be Hooked On Koch


A shocking report has reached news desks throughout the country that many Republicans, especially those in great positions of responsibility, are hooked on Koch.

Koch, which first made it appearance in the 40’s, has become more virulent in recent years. It is highly addictive and those who become hooked on it quickly develop selfish, anti-social behavior.

Unlike heroin, meth or crack the user does not develop the degenerative physical attributes that readily mark the abuser as a junkie. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, PoliticsComments (1)

Polls show increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness


Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts say this was because Americans perceived that Republicans have one of the easiest jobs in the world.
Read the full story

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CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement


Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated.

Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed to the harsh realities of modern culture. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Senator Warns of Impending Attack on Family Values


A US Senator is drawing the nation’s attention after publicizing a report suggesting an attack on family values is imminent.

Addressing a hastily-organized press conference Friday morning, Senator Tate Williams of Arkansas explained that his staff on the United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence has intercepted reports of planned military action against family values in America by the Liberal Looney and Gay Alliance of California (the LLGAC). Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, War ZoneComments (2)

Florida Woman Makes Son Turn Down TV to “Conserve Sound”


A Jacksonville, Florida native has drawn widespread attention after asking her son to turn down his television in order to save sound.

Gladys Welsh, age 83, was heard yelling to her son Timmy, age 45, to lower the volume on his set and conserve sound Thursday evening. A digital recording of the incident was leaked to the press on Friday morning, igniting the public firestorm. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

Tea Party Raptured, Republican Leadership Abandons Christianity


GlossyNews.com – Every member of the Tea Party, Tea Party Patriots, National Tea Party Federation, Nationwide Tea Part Coalition and the People’s Front of Judea has disappeared without a trace.

Incidentally, sources in the Horn of Africa have reported the inexplicable appearance of several million loud, extremely irate, mostly diabetic and stark naked white people outside of a small village 80 miles to the west of Mogadishu. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (4)

Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister


Paul Ryan was forced to “take it” following rebuff by Twisted Sister lead man Dee Snider over the choice of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as the Republican VP-designee’s intro song.

Snider denounced use of the 1984 hit at a recent Pennsylvania GOP rally. Romney’s running mate had “ … no right to choose and there ain’t no way we’ll lose it, this is our life, this is our song … you don’t know us, you don’t belong.”

Ryan as an opening act for Mitt Romney has not proven music to the ears of Snider’s fellow artists. Guitarist Tom Morello kicked out the jams after Ryan cited Rage Against the Machine as having a good beat that he could dance to. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (7)

U.S. Congressional Approval Falls Below 0%


The U.S. House of Representatives recently held a hearing concerning the revelation that Congress’ approval rating hit the unprecedented low of -0.4%. The following is a transcript of that hearing.

CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATING FALLS BELOW 0%

2012

HEARING

BEFORE THE

SUBCOMMITTEE ON GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION, EFFICIENCY AND FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Mitt Romney Adopts His Overseas Money; Emotional Reunion at Airport


BOSTON–It was quite the Hallmark moment for the Romney clan today as the former governor stood next to his campaign bus at the Logan International Airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newly adopted sons.

And as his “precious cargo” emerged from the plane intact, he almost couldn’t restrain himself. Read the full story

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Charlie Sheen to Run for President of the President of the United States


NEW YORK—In a surprising move yesterday, Adonis Charlie Sheen announced that he would be running for POTUS (or President of the United States) in the upcoming election and that, obviously, everyone else who ran would fail and become “epic losers.” Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (2)

Palin and Bachman Go Mano-A-Mano in Nude Mud Wrestling Fundraiser


Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the greater good of their party.

Having chosen to be patriotic and volunteer my services as towel boy and official mud-putter-onner, I was able to get close to the candidates (real close) while helping them during their fund raiser. (I might note here that it wasn’t just funds that were getting raised during the performance.) Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, PoliticsComments (17)

Republicans Suffering from Short-Term Memory Loss


There is worry in this country that too many in the Republican leadership have been smoking too much pot for too long. Evidence is mounting indicating that many of their leaders are suffering from short and long term memory loss.

An example of this are recent comments by House Republican Leader John Boehner stating “It is time we had grown-ups running the economy” overlooking the glaring fact that they themselves had George W. Bush running the show for eight very long years. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

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