Tag Archive | "Donald Trump"

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War


Nobody else can drop these #fucken #apostrophes like a boss! Let’s give it up for big Vic!

(By the way, if you don’t believe me, look him up on Youtube. This is a really classy guy! Love his flow).

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Hey Jo, you know, we not havin your fucken missiles next door to our country. Read the full story

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CNN to Issue Trigger Warnings before Trump Appearances


NEW YORK – CNN today announced its new policy of issuing trigger warnings before showing the face of President Donald Trump to viewing audiences.

“We know the mere mention of President’s Trump name or the sight of his face is enough to trigger serious emotional distress or even seizures in a large part of our viewing audience,” said Wolf Blitzer of CNN. “So we believe that this is an appropriate policy for our time. Families with children will really appreciate this warning, as the mere sight of Trump reportedly makes many babies, small infants, and millennials cry uncontrollably.”

CNN has estimated that millions of viewers have turned off CNN because of their sheer terror that Trump may appear on their screens and further traumatize them with his blunt language, harsh policies, and brutish lack of diplomatic tact.

“Just as we issue warnings before showing bloody, mangled corpses after mass murders or terrorist attacks, so we will issue warnings before showing the face of Donald J. Trump or mentioning his name.”

Read the full story

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President Trump Trashes Oval Office


White House sources have confirmed that President Trump has caused considerable damage to the Oval Office.

‘He turned over tables,’ reported one source, ‘upended chairs, ripped curtaining and threw paintings out of smashed windows onto the White House lawn.’

‘He was beside himself with fury about the judgement of the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals,’ said one aide, ‘in which three judges unanimously refused to block the Seattle court ruling that halted the president’s ban on US entry by citizens from seven, mainly Muslim, countries.’

During his rampage, the president was reported to have screamed: ‘I’m the goddam president. I can eat all the ice cream I like; have friends for sleepovers when I want; stay up late; look at whatever I want on the Internet; demonise any group of people I don’t like, and do anything else I damn well please. I can, I can, I can, I can!!!’

‘He was inconsolable for many hours,’ added Doris Hoover, the cleaner employed to keep the Oval Office tidy. ‘When he’d stopped stamping his feet and banging on the walls, he just sat down on the floor and cried. I was real cross with him at first as it’s gonna take me ages to get the room right again. I then felt sorry for the poor little fellow, sat down beside him and gave him a cuddle. He told me between sobs that it was all sooo unfair. He couldn’t understand why “so called God” had let “so called judges” in “so called courts” be so horrid to him.’

Greta Mindstein, a leading US psychologist, has pointed out that, although alarming, this behaviour is characteristic of a normal developmental phase. ‘Usually, however,’ Ms Mindstein explained to reporters, ‘this stage tends to have passed by the age of five or six – and certainly long before a person is eligible to become president of the United States. It’s an effect of what Freud called “infantile narcissism”‘ she clarified, ‘and derives from the greatly exaggerated sense of self-importance that many very young children develop from their natural tendency to see themselves as the centre of their universe.

‘Rational grown-ups placing boundaries on such behaviour,’ Ms Mindstein continued, ‘is part of a learning process. In the case of the president, the recent constraint on his behaviour – and others that will inevitably occur in the near future – should ultimately be internalised as he progresses towards emotional maturity.’

A senior presidential advisor has confirmed that the president has begun to feel a lot more cheerful as time has passed since the Appeal Court ruling, and is looking forward to going to the park to play baseball with his friends and then having his favourite burgers for supper.

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Open letter to Donald Trump on Neurodiversity


NOTE FROM WALLACE: Republished with the permission of the author.

January 20, 2017

Dear Mr. President:

I’m a sixty-one-year-old man with an autism spectrum disorder.  This disability has made my life very difficult.  It has prevented me from ever having a girlfriend, I’ve had very few friends and it has greatly impaired my ability to make a living.  I worked sporadically between 1979 and 2006 but was fired from more than twenty jobs.  Because of this, I retired at the age of fifty-one.  I was denied social security disability insurance and am supported by my elderly parents who might not be around much longer.

I had to go to special education schools for eight years and was expelled from a mainstream school.  I barely graduated high school and then barely graduated college.  I have to do a self-stimulatory behavior during the day which impairs me from being able to do the writing I want to do and it makes it hard for me to get anything done.  I have horrible fine motor coordination and have nearly illegible handwriting.  I have a very loud voice, repeat a lot of the same things over and over again and people find my behavior offensive.  Compared to most others on the autism spectrum, I have it good.  In addition to supportive parents, my affliction is mild.  There are others who can’t speak, injure themselves by banging their heads into walls, are incontinent, and need life-long care.  I long for research to be done into how people with my disability can be helped.  Ultimately, I’d like a cure for autism, though I realize that’s unlikely to happen in my lifetime.

The reason I write you this letter is because the executive branch of the government, namely the secretary of health and human services who will serve under you, appoints members to the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee which advises the government on autism funding and policies.  Some of the past and present appointees belong to an insidious movement called Neurodiversity.   These people do not believe that autism is a disorder, and, in some cases, do not believe that it is a disability.  They make the untrue claim that acceptance and the correct accommodations will resolve the difficulties people on the autism spectrum have.  A number of these individuals have been appointed to posts in the federal government and make decisions on how American tax dollars are allocated for autism matters.  They are opposed to curing autism or doing things that will really benefit autistic people.  I don’t believe these people should be involved in making decisions using American tax dollars.

One of these people is named Ari Ne’eman.  He heads a non-profit organization called the Autistic self-advocacy Network.  Since the CARES (formally combating autism) act was made law by congress, his organization has had a chair at the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee.  In the past he’s stated that he does not believe that autism is a disability or that if it is a disability it is because of societal constraints.  He’s barely afflicted by his alleged autism if at all.  He has implied that people who want to cure autism are morally complicit with murder.  He has stated that the solution for autistic unemployment is to eliminate social pleasantry as a hiring criteria on the job.  He has also called you a fascist saying he would not work with you for that reason.  Therefore, I don’t believe that he or anyone representing his organization should be appointed to the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee.

Another individual who has served on this committee multiple years is John Elder Robison.  Mr. Robison has stated that there is no need to find a cure for autism.  He has stated that treatments should only be left up to the autistic person and that parents should not have any say in the matter of the health of their own children.  He has stated that parents who seek treatments for their children often do so as a matter of convenience and not to help the child.  He has made the claim that no one had heard of autistic people in the nineteenth century because they blended into the general population due to the type of society it is.  He also has made the insensitive and ignorant comment that most autistic people don’t suffer from autism but rather from depression and anxiety.  I feel these statements trivialize my disability and I don’t feel that Mr. Robison should be on any government committees or supported by or consulted by the government on any autism-related matters.

Noah Britton is another individual alleging to be on the autism spectrum who has been appointed to this post.  He has compared parents who want to help their children with members of the Ku Klux Klan.  He stated that he represented thousands of persons on the spectrum who don’t want a cure.  He has made a mockery of a U.S. government meeting by wearing a raunchy shirt with the letters “my body my choice” emblazoned on the front.

Another individual named Matt Carey has also served on this committee and he has advocated for the ideas of neurodiversity.

I don’t believe that persons such as these or the organizations they represent should have any involvement in governmental policy making related to autism. And I am writing this to you in the hopes that you can do something about it.

Though there is a law enacted by congress authorizing this Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee, these people are appointed by the executive branch of the government, namely the Department of Health and Human services.  I am writing you this letter urging you and your HHS secretary designee, Tom Price, not to appoint these people to the IACC or preferably anyone else to the IACC.  There is no other medical condition other than autism where they have lay people who give input to the government or policy and science matters.  For example, there is nothing like this for diabetes.  We don’t have people like these serving on FDA panels to decide which antibiotics are approved just because they or their loved ones have had an infection.  Ergo, there is no reason for something like this in autism either.

These members of neurodiversity only undermine and trivialize what is a horrible medical condition.  I will forward a copy of this letter to Mr. Price once he is confirmed by the senate to his post.

Your consideration in this matter is greatly appreciated,

Jonathan Mitchell

 

http://autismgadfly.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/my-open-letter-to-donald-trump.html

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Fake Memes for Fake People! (2/3)


WTF? Did Orwell actually say this?

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Citrus surprise looking a little bitter

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Fake tan, fake opinions, fake Trump card

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Fake-o liberals and conservatives in Germany think book burning is more effective than winning the argument against fascism

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DNC Discovers Secret of Transformational Leadership


Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—A Democratic National Committee taskforce concluded its investigation into how Donald Trump has managed to be a transformational president.

In 2008, Barack Obama campaigned as a “change” candidate, but progressive Democrats soon became disappointed with Obama’s centrist, neoliberal economic policies and with his continuation of George W. Bush’s militaristic response to terrorism, although Obama opted for drone warfare instead of boots on the ground. Generally, Obama proved himself to be a technocratic defender of the deep state bureaucracy, as shown by his obsession with prosecuting whistleblowers who threatened the system’s channels of information flow.

After Bernie Sanders garnered the energy of the Democratic electorate and centrist Hillary Clinton lost to Donald Trump in 2016, Democratic Party leaders learned that being a transformational leader might be a good thing. But because the DNC had been conservative rather than radical for decades, to preserve its appeal to Wall Street donors, Democratic politicians found themselves at a loss as to how to transform the American political system.

Liberals hope the taskforce will shed light on this mystery. For its part, the DNC’s exhaustive one thousand-page Report on Transformational Political Action closes with the following conclusion: “Above all, a transformational president mustn’t give a fuck.”

“This is the key attribute that prevented Obama from being a transformational leader,” said Sue-Ellen Greenhorn, one of the report’s authors. “He gave a fuck. Indeed, he had all too many fucks to give. His Ivy League education supplied him with an abundance of fucks, which is why he couldn’t tear down the system even if his progressive ideals demanded that the American political and economic systems be demolished and then spat upon.

“Moreover, ‘No Drama’ Obama’s intellectual temperament equipped him with an additional boatload of fucks: he cared about logic, the facts, and expertise. It was almost as though a functioning, rational government were what the voters demanded in their messianic fervor to be rid of George W. Bush in 2008.”

Donald’s Trump’s “evident psychopathy” makes him uniquely qualified “to give not even a single fuck—about the government, the American people, foreign countries, the planet at large, or even himself. This is why Trump can and likely will transform the nation.”

The noted theologian Fritz Fitzmueller concurs about the importance of not giving a fuck, to being a transformational and thus a consequential political leader.

“Think of the most transformational figure in Western history: Jesus Christ,” said Fitzmueller. “Our calendar is divided into the times before and after he was born, because the change he brought was so monumental. And from studying the New Testament in depth, one thing I can say for certain is that Jesus didn’t give a fuck. Not even one.

“Jesus said it makes no sense to gain the world if you lose your soul. Your soul is invisible, which means Jesus cared less about everything in the world that apparently exists, than he cared about something that seems to be nothing at all. Let me tell you, this means that Jesus didn’t give a fuck about anything you could shake a stick at. Oh, you don’t believe he’s the Son of God? That means you can go to hell for eternity. Jesus doesn’t give a fuck! And that’s why he was so historically important.”

“The irony is astounding,” said Donny Brook, a political analyst at Fancypants University. “The fewer fucks you have to give, the more influential you can become. If your job means fuck all to you, there’s a good chance you’ll fail upwards, as happens in large American banks and government institutions. George W. Bush failed upwards, as did Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. These are revolutionary figures, although Palin was denied the chance to show the world exactly how few fucks she had to give.

“Trump, though, will remake the global order, because his insanity is godlike. He’s not beholden to any social standard or pre-existing system. He doesn’t care about reason or the facts. He’s plainly out of his mind, which is why he’s worshipped by the hordes of American right-wing anarchists who likewise couldn’t give a fuck. The less you care about the world, the greater your ability to lay waste to it until the world naturally knits itself together in what is typically an altogether different pattern, so that you can be heralded as a revolutionary figure.

“Decades from now, when the history books are written, Trump and Bush Jr. will be remembered, but Obama won’t be, and now, thanks to the DNC Report on Transformational Political Action, we know why. Say it with me, folks: Obama gave a fuck.”

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Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse


In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse.

At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that our plane of existence is only one of an infinite number of universes with distinct histories, thereby putting an end to decades of debate in the scientific community.

When pressed about the connection between Trump and the multiverse, Suarez stated that the U.S. presidential election results struck the scientific community as such an astronomically improbable event that they inspired some of the world’s leading mathematicians and physicists to calculate their likelihood.

Given Trump’s flagrant contempt for women, blacks, Hispanics, the LGBTQ community, Muslims, immigrants, disabled persons, war heroes, and basic human decency, the scientists discovered that the odds of his election were so prodigiously minute that they proved we reside in the only universe in the infinite multiverse where this could have possibly taken place.

Suarez stated that, “When scientists previously theorized about the multiverse, they postulated that anything that could possibly happen actually did, only in an alternate timeline. In other words, there’s a universe where Germany won the Second World War, another where Kim Kardashian is Pope, and a third where people eat nothing but asparagus. In some universes, humans have arms growing out of their foreheads or tank treads instead of feet. Literally every possible scenario exists in a reality separate from our own. It therefore struck us that, somewhere in some other universes, scientists were discussing the preposterous assertion that the United States would elect Donald Trump president. It turns out we were right. And they laughed at us.”

When pressed about who exactly “laughed at us,” Suarez replied with, “We built a machine to communicate with the other universes, and most of them laughed at us. We also received quite a few condolences. Pope Kim the First wrote us a very heartfelt epistle. The asparagus universe’s scientists are working on a device to ship us a bouquet of conciliatory… well… asparagus. We tried to dissuade them, but they insisted.”

Apparently, several universes remarked on our terrible situation, including one where people eat their own feces for breakfast, another where giant praying mantises evolved to become our autocratic masters, and a third where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse hold sway over a shattered hellscape. They all thanked their respective gods/demons/insect overlords that they did not reside in our reality.

Asked if any universes expressed joy at Trump’s election, Suarez paused and responded “Well, the universe where Donald Trump is Emperor of the Moon thought it was pretty great.”

Suarez concluded her briefing by addressing how the scientific community planned to utilize this amazing discovery. “We’re working on a machine to transport us into literally any other universe. I personally want to get the hell out of here, and I’m sure many of you feel the same.”

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Coalition of a Hundred Countries goes to War for Regime Change in the United States


Dateline: MOSCOW, Year Three After Trump—Three years into Trump’s presidency, a “new coalition of the willing,” of over a hundred countries led by Russia, China, and Europe declared war on Trump’s “rogue regime,” citing in a public statement: “the lunacy of allowing the American nuclear arsenal to be controlled by a manifestly insane and senile president, a dysfunctional Congress, and a delusional or apathetic American public.”

“The situation is just like George W. Bush’s declaration of war on Saddam’s Iraq,” said Putin at a press conference in Moscow, speaking for the Coalition. “Except that unlike Saddam, Trump actually has stockpiles of WMDs. We, too, seek regime change in defense of civilization itself. But this time the regime that must be eliminated by preventative military action is obviously Trump’s in the United States.”

When reminded that Trump never gassed his own people, whereas Saddam gassed the Kurds in 1988, Putin said, “Yes, but remember that time when Trump ordered that all the bridges in the United States be firebombed, because Trump had heard a rumour that a guy named Fred Bridgeman in South Dakota had called him fat? Remember how Trump had targeted bridges solely because that fellow had the word ‘bridge’ in his last name? And remember how Trump had neglected to warn the commuters, so that the bridges were destroyed along with the millions of Americans who were in the process of driving across them?

“Or remember that time when in broad daylight Trump raped a journalist in the middle of a White House press conference and then bizarrely denied that he had done so, calling the video evidence provided by the hundreds of cameras present ‘a big lie cooked up by failing news companies’?

“Or how about that time when Donald Trump ordered a nuclear strike against South Korea, mixing up the South with the North?

“Yeah, there’s only so much insanity and instability a civilized world can stand.”

Putin was pressed about why Russia would join the New Coalition of the Willing when Russia reportedly had personal leverage against Trump. Putin reminded the questioner that he had played his “Trump card, so to speak,” but it had backfired.

“You remember when we leaked the golden showers video, so to speak (again). Trump was caught with Russian prostitutes and we added that footage to the financial kompromat we had on him. When we secretly ordered Trump to help Russia take back our territories in Eastern Europe and he refused, we sent the video to Wikileaks. But after the world saw Trump with the pissing prostitutes, Trump said it wasn’t him but an actor with a bad wig.

“And that was that. The media went on to the next Trump scandal, since there was a new one every five minutes. We never bothered revealing the financial conflicts of interest Trump has with foreign banks, because most Americans wouldn’t understand them or care. For the same reason, the U.S. government doesn’t attempt to prosecute Goldman Sachs or other colossal banks for fraud, because the complexity of the case would put a jury to sleep.”

Putin was asked whether he thinks the Coalition can possibly defeat the American military machine. “Of course we can,” said Putin. “For decades, Americans have fought only fake wars against pipsqueaks like Saddam, terrorists in caves, or Stalinists in Grenada in 1983. Americans love to consume toys for their pleasure, not to make war. They’ll quickly surrender and the world will breathe a sigh of relief to be rid of Trump.”

For his part, a defiant Trump dared the Coalition to invade the United States. “Let them come!” he said at a Rose Garden press conference, holding a machine gun, his nose covered in cocaine. “Then they can say hello to my little friend!” There was tittering in the press pool and Trump said, “No, not my junk—which I can assure you all is yuge. This machine gun I’m holding—this is the little friend I meant. And the rest of the world can say hello to it. When they get here.”

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Sign on Trump’s Lapel Provides Running Tally of his Lies


Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C. Year One After Trump—An anonymous member of President Trump’s staff fastened a digital sign to Trump’s lapel whenever Trump has been set to speak to the media, to stop reporters from having to flail about, guessing whether the president is lying.

“It started because I got annoyed watching the TV news,” said the staffer. “The anchors and pundits kept asking why Trump was saying that the sky is green, that two and two are five, or that his inauguration crowd was the biggest of all time. They just couldn’t figure out what Trump was up to—as if no politician had ever lied before! Or as if no legit psychopath had ever held high office!

“I just got sick of watching these fools on TV dancing around the issue, too timid to reckon with reality, just asking tedious questions like, ‘Why would the President say this when he must know it’s demonstrably false?’ or using euphemisms like Hilary Clinton’s gem, ‘Trump lacks the temperament to be president’—because it’s more polite to speak of ‘temperament’ than about Trump being literally a predator like a shark or the Terminator killing machine, a bona fide psychotic narcissist and, of course, a compulsive liar.”

To spare viewers from “having their time wasted by these clueless or cowardly news folks” and to “hold the baby journalists’ hands and steer them to the truth about Trump,” the staffer began affixing a battery-powered sign to Trump’s lapel. The staffer would listen to Trump speak in an interview, speech, or press conference, and editorialize by remote control.

For example, when Trump told ABC news that he’ll launch an investigation into massive voter fraud in the U.S., the sign on Trump’s lapel lit up with a message that scrolled across the small screen even as Trump himself was speaking. The message read, “Mother of all whoppers! The psycho Trump fears that a woman, Hillary C., beat him by three million in the popular vote—coincidentally the same number he says are voting illegally.”

And in his speech at CIA headquarters, when Trump accused the media of lying about his inauguration crowd size, the lapel sign read in blaring red letters, “Yuge lie! Psycho Trump can’t lose in a dick-measuring contest with a black man like Obama.”

Asked why he or she prefers to be anonymous, when Trump surely knows who is putting the LED sign on his suit, the staffer said, “Of course Trump doesn’t know! If he did, I’d be dead. Trump carries a laser blaster at all times. And if Trump knew, do you really think he’d leave the sign on and continue to lie like a madman?”

The extent of Trump’s obliviousness has flabbergasted the rest of the world. “How can Trump still not know about the sign?” asked a Democratic Congresswoman. “How can no one on his team be telling him that he’s being clowned over and over again, that everyone on earth now has a running breakdown of his every boast, evasion, distortion, slander, and confabulation, of every act of vain posturing or brazen pandering he clumsily undertakes?”

Clarice Foggarty, fellow at the Brookings Institution, theorized that “No one dares tell Trump about the sign for the same reason no Iraqi told Saddam Hussein he had no weapons of mass destruction.” In an authoritarian regime, she said, “the emperor is always wearing clothes even when he’s stark naked and his genitals are visibly flapping in the breeze. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself headless.”

As to why President Trump evidently can’t himself see the infamous sign, one psychotherapist speculated that Trump “effectively lives in the fiction he constantly spins. Trump can’t see beyond the hyperbole, according to which he’s a billionaire because he’s the greatest businessman ever, and he’s president because he’s a Batman-like hero who can do no wrong. Anything that contradicts that preposterous self-image can’t register in Trump’s conscious mind. If Trump suddenly could see himself the way practically everyone else sees him, his head would melt from the epic cognitive dissonance.”

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Making Law like Sausages


October 8th’s release of the “Billy Bush Tapes” couldn’t stop a Republican avalanche exactly one month later. The Republicans maintained their decided advantage in both the US House and Senate.

Donald Trump snuck out an electoral college win and put #Pussygate in his rear view mirror.

In January of 2009, Democrats had a similar configuration. They seized the opportunity to pass a 2,700 page healthcare bill that was on a website for viewing a scant 72 hours prior to the vote. Speaker Nancy Pelosi famously said “we have to pass (the bill)…(so we) can find out what’s in it.” Read the full story

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HOT OFF THE PRESS! DONALD TRUMP SEX SCANDAL! (& First Executive Order)


Immediately following his inauguration, President Donald J. Trump issued his first executive order; demanding records from AT&T, Comcast and other Internet Service Providers for anyone who has ever googled naked pictures of Melania Trump. Read the full story

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Totalitarian Tenets to be Tenaciously Tendered via Trump Tweet


‘Orwellian Obedience is Ordered to be Ordinarily Observed,’ says first Tenet via Trump Tweet.

“We’re going to win so much, you’ll get sick of winning,” begins a statement released today by Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s transition team spokesperson and former scarecrow template. “And to win, every team needs a strong leader — a leader everyone obeys, no questions asked. This is why we’re starting our new ‘Tenet via Trump Tweet’ regimen.”

“From the moment Donald J Trump is sworn in as President of the United States and Ruler of the Free World,” the statement continues, “our Dear Leader will let us know what is expected of us exclusively via Trump Tweet. All citizens will be expected to be followers of Mr Trump’s Twitter account, and to follow each ‘Tenet Tweet’ to the letter. That’s how we Win!” Read the full story

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Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump! (3/3)


https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715963479623147520 Read the full story

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Peter Gabriel Goes Full Donald Trump! (1/3)


https://twitter.com/RealPeteGabriel/status/715959324208676864 Read the full story

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Hot Out of the Oven – New Donald Trump Memes!


Donald Trump Memes Read the full story

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Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (1/2)


Rambunctious Orange Lives Matter Civil Activist and Pitiful Nazicon Stooge Donald Trump has recently delivered another hate-ridden tirade. After his edgy pre-election comments on ‘Latino rapists’ and ‘banning Muslims,’ Jake Tapper’s recent interview shows the Donald propagating a bizarre anti-Semitic conspiracy theory.

TAPPER: Mr Trump, do you actually believe the Jews control Israel? Read the full story

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