Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US

Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number of other novelty items. These include a mechanical sex-droid called Mekanika, and jellybeans in the shape of Xi Jinping.

“I was gutted when Donnie-boy screwed up the 2020 election by being hated by more people than those dumb enough to worship him. So, I decided to quit American politics and set up this business. At least this way I can simulate the one-on-one scrap I was manipulating Trump and Xi towards having, using the puppets.”

However, the new pop-up toy business isn’t good news to everyone in America. There has been an angry reaction from some quarters, not least being that from the president’s daughter / wife Ivanka.

“It’s disgraceful that Biden will allow this company to operate in America,” snapped Ivanka Trump from her new high-class pop-up novelty sex toy shop in downtown Manhattan, “I had my own range of Mekanikas boxed up and ready to go. Also, my puppets are entirely naked and perfect in every detail, if you know what I mean. Daddy’s ‘hands’ are actual size as well. Admittedly all my stock was manufactured in the same Vietnamese sweatshops Putin used, but still. If anyone is to make a bundle out of selling sex toys and puppet effigies of ex presidents, it should be an American!”

Chinese president Xi Jinping commented, “I’ll take a couple of puppets and a case of jelly beans but hold the sex-bot. I never liked the woman.”

Author: David Smith

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