Tag: donald trump
Donald Trump Corrects Record About January 6
Donald Trump has claimed that leading the January 6 mob was a missed opportunity for him to serve his country and give back. “I was never allowed to partake in military service. They say it was bad feet. No, it…
Trump Summarizes Selected Works of Shakespeare
Hamlet This is the story of a king, a great king, who was doing a marvelous job running his country. Until a very bad, very disgraceful person put a stop to it. His name was Claudius, and the whack job…
Trump Pardons Unabomber
Florida, 9amIn a move certain to appeal to his base, Donald Trump has issued an official Presidential pardon to “Mathematical Genius” Ted Kaczynsky. “I give a full pardon to Ted, unfairly labelled a Unabomber by the fake news media. I know…
Satan Buys Pardon from Trump for $8bn
In a ‘not very surprising’ move it was revealed today that outgoing president and all-round shithouse Donald Trump has agreed to issue the devil with a presidential pardon. The full and complete pardon will be rushed through ahead of Trump’s…
Trump to Take Starring Role in New Marvel Movie ‘The Incredible Sulk’
Those that lie awake at night worrying about what will happen to Donald Trump when he is dragged kicking and screaming from The White House in January can at last get some shut eye. A spokesperson for Walt Disney Studios,…
Russian President Starts Marketing ‘Putin’s Pop-Up Puppet Pugilists’ in the US
Following the humiliating defeat of Donald Trump, his candidate in the US 2020 election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has started a new business in the US. The company produces and sells puppets in the main, but also does a number…
THE GREAT EMANSTURBATOR
Donald Trump insists he has done more for African Americans than any other president. Read his tweet on the subject: “Many people don’t know this about me. Lincoln didn’t free the slaves. I DID. First thing I did behind the…
Trump Proves That He Wore a Facemask on the Honeywell Factory Visit
Phoenix, AZ (AP) President Donald Trump when asked at a recent press encounter why he didn’t where a face mask on his recent tour of the Honeywell mask factory, emphatically affirmed that, “…I did wear a mask and maybe you…
Donald Rumsfeld Emerges from Underground Lair asking, “Am I no longer the most evil Donald?”
Suspected reptillian and confirmed demon Donald Rumsfeld, the gleeful architect of no fewer than all deaths in the Middle East (2001-2009) permitted the light of day to wash across his face in a rare instance of seeming mortality Wednesday. “Wait,”…
Super Tuesday Looms Large For Oklahoma
There are pros and cons to being one of the states that’s involved in Super Tuesday. The pros are largely the fact that you can have a major impact on who ends up running the country – or even stands…