Search Results for: obama
Senator McCain Makes Preparations for Acceptance Speech
GlossyNews.com – In what many in the Washington beltway press are calling “just a little bit weird”, the office of Senator John McCain has sent out a press release this morning announcing his intent to hold a victory celebration for…
Hurricane-Struck PA Vote Complete, Romney Claims All 5
GlossyNews.com – The republican vote in the state of Pennsylvania has been completed and tallied. All 5 votes were reportedly allocated to two-time presidential hopeful and failed former Governor Willard Mitt Romney. The democratic observer at the polling place has…
Ron Paul Still Campaigning Out In Nebraska Somewhere
GlossyNews.com – NEBRASKA, SOMEWHERE – With just hours to go until the polls close Tuesday, committed Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul was reportedly still out on the campaign trail somewhere in Nebraska this morning. Though the GOP officially nominated Mitt…
Famous Magazines Make Their (Stupid?) Presidential Endorsements
GlossyNews.com – With election day at hand magazines are getting in on the political action with endorsements, often ham-handed ones, of their own. While some are obvious (oh really? NYTimes went for Obama and Wall Street Journal went for Romney?…
Tea Party Winning Big on This; Opposite Day
GlossyNews.com – With incumbent truck-owning senator Scott Brown already behind in exit polls and a slew of other Tea Party favorites flagging in election results, the Tea Party is hailing big victories on this; opposite day. “We’re really glad to…
Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney
GlossyNews.com – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote. Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place…
Florida Breaks Early for Pat Buchanan
GlossyNews.com – The “Sunshine State” has been largely contested this election, with both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama leading at various times, but today’s exit polls suggest one clear winner: Pat Buchanan. Buchanan was reached at his Virginia home early…
Tea Party Raptured, Republican Leadership Abandons Christianity
GlossyNews.com – Every member of the Tea Party, Tea Party Patriots, National Tea Party Federation, Nationwide Tea Part Coalition and the People’s Front of Judea has disappeared without a trace. Incidentally, sources in the Horn of Africa have reported the…
November Surprise: Bush Hysterically Backs Barack
GlossyNews.com – In a surprise move, George W. Bush has endorsed Barack Obama in today’s election. “I know you all must think I’ve been drunking crazy-water,” said Mr. Bush. “But the more I looked at that Barry fellows record, the…
Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables
GlossyNews.com – CINCINNATI – The latest exit polls are showing Mitt Romney is leading President Obama by an estimated 99 points among voters who think Twinkies are a vegetable. The results would have actually been 100% but when one Romney…