Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote.

Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place denied entry to registered voters carrying snakes.

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Jim Beam, licensed owner of a diamondback rattlesnake and snake-handler for the Church of God with Signs Following, spoke for the record.

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“”A’hm hotter ‘n then a dawg on a leash. I ‘llowed them city folk to get ‘customed to my gurl here, Sue, but they pert near busted outta thar, commenced to git the law on me. A’hm hot, hot, hotter ‘n the devil.” He shook his head. “It’s ma right to carry Sue on my person. My right ‘llowed under the Constitution and unner the Lord ma God!”

Polling officials indicated provisional ballots were provided citizens who refused to leave snakes, handguns and containers of moonshine outside the polling place.


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