GlossyNews.com – With incumbent truck-owning senator Scott Brown already behind in exit polls and a slew of other Tea Party favorites flagging in election results, the Tea Party is hailing big victories on this; opposite day.
“We’re really glad to see all these victories,” said Marigold Weatherby from Nearton, Massachusetts. “Scott Brown is doing great and the Tea Party express is unstoppable,” she said, adding, “woo-woo!”
Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. (Click photo to enlarge)
Other Tea Party favorites like Missouri senator Todd Akin were likewise trailing in election results, which is good news for the Tea Party on opposite day.
“I just love [Todd] Akin,” offered Edie Greene, a white, suburban, soccer mom disenfranchised due to multiple convictions for shoplifting. “If I didn’t have an abortion, I’d name it after him!”
Even the glass-eyed porcelain doll Michele Bachmann may be facing an uphill battle, despite her district being gerrymandered along more conservative lines than ever before.
“We need to take the battles to the vaginas of Washington,” said Bachmann, unaware that no press conference was being held and only GlossyNews.com was in attendance. “Right up it and through it and back out the other side, like a shish kabob.”
Florida’s Allen West, famous for saying all manners of crazy thing, looks certain to hold his seat, disappointing opposite-day Tea Party fans.
Tea Party darling Joe Heck’s race remains too close to call, though his seat may be in jeopardy, with Obama carrying Nevada by a comfortable margin. Heck has called for a controversial brothel no-birth-control / abortion tax fee system, which is proving sticky with his constituents.
Ohio’s Bill Johnson, who has not shied away from typical crazy talk associate with the tea party, is also facing a tight election in Ohio.
Reid Ribble, whose name sounds like sound effects from a Scooby Doo direct-to-video movie, may lose his seat as well, though early vote tallies have yet to show a clear winner.