Search Results for: obama
Harvard Law Launches “Stupidity is No Barrier” Policy
CAMBRIDGE – A new policy ratified by Harvard Law School will ensure that admissions officers do not discriminate against candidates on account of their stupidity. The fresh statute includes a clause which says “No heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual, genderfluid or transfag…
John Boehner Finishes Another Pint of Whiskey
John Boehner (R-Ohio) said Tuesday that he wants to have a “conflagration” with President Barack Obama and congressional Democrats over the government shutdown and deadline to raise the debt ceiling. “I wanna half a conflagration, I’m not drowl… drowning any…
Britney Spears Delivers Message to John Boehner: “Work B**ch”
WASHINGTON — In an odd turn of events yesterday, Pop Icon Britney Spears weighed in on the current Capitol Hill gridlock with a message aimed squarely at Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). According to Spears, “You better work…
The Myth of the GOP Repeal & Replace Talking Point
It was difficult for Republicans to fight against Obamacare. While they tried to vilify it, people actually liked what it stood for, and the rebate checks from premiums didn’t hurt either. But in opposing something designed to fix a national…
Overpass for Impeachment Collapses
Karma struck on the I-5 Interstate in Carlsbad, California yesterday when one of the “Overpasses for Impeachment” collapsed, sending 12 people to the hospital. According to federal databases, the freeway overpass had recently been graded “functionally obsolete” but still legally…
Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution
Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the…
Syria & the Ever-Changing Face of American Patriotism & International Responsibility
The American psyche sometimes goes through amazing changes. 12 years ago we couldn’t wait to get our hands on that ultimate harbinger of evil Saddam Hussein and his dire WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (GASP!!!!!!!) and to send his bad self…
Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’
WASHINGTON – Countering suggestions that it is “out of touch” with the average American, the United States Government today declared that it always strives to listen to the voice of the people – citing its warrantless wiretap program as evidence….
Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House,…
Declassified Letters Reveal Bin Laden A Truly Beautiful, Gifted Writer
WASHINGTON D.C. – A collection of declassified letters written by the late al Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden, has revealed that the mastermind behind the September 11 attacks was a surprisingly beautiful and disciplined writer. According to researchers at the…