Category: Science & Technologizzy
Cooper Brand Pooper Scoopers are Super-Duper Cooper Scoopers
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania – Assisting residents in cleaning up the debris left behind from their crushed dreams of having locally born celebrity, Bradley Cooper, win an Academy Award are Cooper Industries’ pooper scoopers that have been flying off the shelves…
Text Walking to Become New Olympic Sport
Rio de Janeiro – Text walking will become the newest sport to be part of the Olympic Games starting in Rio in 2016. The act of texting while walking has never been considered a sport but since so few people…
Study shows Men Secretly Resent Women’s Phatness
Dateline: NEW YORK—Islamic states are infamous in the West for forcing women to wear burqas, since those outer garments obscure the shape of women’s bodies and are thus odious from a feminist standpoint. Defenders of the sexist laws typically resort…
HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score
HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report. According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam,…
Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day
The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day. The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when…
Arizona Scientists Prove Alien Existence; Body is Launched Back to Planet Mexico
Scientists from the University of Arizona have concluded this Friday that the possible existence of extraterrestrial life could become a reality after certain test results are finalized. The University was baffled when a 2,500 year old alien life form, Ernesto…
Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA. — Scientists with the NASA space program recently uncovered several million gallons of potable water — though no traces of carbonated liquid of any kind — on a large, nearby planet in what is being pronounced “a…
Physicist Detects Origin of CBS Hit “The Big Bang Theory”
CAMBRIDGE, MA – This week physicist Dr. George H. Gebbins finally pinpointed the very beginning of what has been called The Big Bang Theory, thanks to the detection of essentially a beam of light that has been traveling the universe…
Oklahoma TV Station “Accidentally” Cuts 38-Minutes from Cosmos Evolution Episode
Last week, controversy erupted when the local FOX affiliate in Oklahoma City allegedly suffered technical difficulties during the only 14-seconds dealing with evolution. Perhaps the Lord moves in ways more mysterious than we’d imagined. Host Neil DeGrasse Tyson explained that…
Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers
70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching…