Washington, D.C. – In what was hailed as a “good news, bad news” story today out of Washington, Subsidi-Farm, one of the nation’s largest agricultural companies, has been granted a federal contract to develop seedless, irradiated pot, which, among other things, will have a distinct yellow coloration to its leaves. Although seedless, the pot offers the same or better medicinal properties as that grown by private cultivators, due to the fact that all the plants processed will be female.
The good news is that the federal government is giving the green light to Subsidi-Farm to develop this particular strain of seedless marijuana for purposes of supplying it to government storehouses and eventually distributing it to the hundreds of marijuana dispensaries popping up in states that have passed legislation legalizing medical marijuana. The weed is said be far superior to any grown by private farms and remains completely safe for consumption by card-carrying medical marijuana users. In addition, the irradiation process ensures purity and total consistency without producing any long-term ill effects for its users.
The bad news for private cultivators is that this particular marijuana plant, known as SF-MM151, will become the only legal marijuana in the United States. The government reiterated that the plant will be strictly controlled. USDA is expected to hire and train several hundred cannabis specialists to regularly inspect medical marijuana dispensaries and “smoke houses” throughout the United States, with the sole purpose of confiscating any marijuana that does not bear the trademark Subsidi-Farm bright yellow hue.
Medical marijuana dispensaries will be required to obtain both federal and state certification, akin to liquor licenses, in order to dispense the government pot. Licenses are expected to run in the tens of thousands of dollars; however, when compared to the enormous amount of revenues expected to be generated by medical marijuana dispensaries, the licensing fees should not create any protests.
Already, growers in California and Washington State are attempting to duplicate Subsidi-Farm’s patented plants, dubbed “mellow yellow,” but none have been successful. A Subsidi-Farm spokesperson told us that the process whereby ordinary pot such as California Bud or Maui Waui is irradiated and colored naturally involves a top-secret technology; it is virtually impossible to duplicate by even the most sophisticated pot growers.
What this means for the future of medical marijuana is that folks can stop fighting over their rights to use it. Smoke houses and marijuana cafes can stay open to dispense the product in an environment free from harassment by local police, providing, of course, they follow the strict FDA, DEA, USDA and local government guidelines for obtaining and dispensing mellow yellow from their storefronts. The distinct coloration of the pot will make it easy for agents to distinguish whether dispensary owners are trying to pass off artificially-colored pot for the irradiated Subsidi-Farm variety.
Some Republican congressmen, especially those in states that have laws legalizing medical marijuana, see this as an attempt by the Obama administration to use socialist methods to control yet another aspect of American life. Conversely, most Democrats see it as a logical step in the right direction: a solution to a problem that not only makes the majority of Americans happy but also lines the government’s pockets with much-needed regulatory revenues that can fund other social and educational programs hard hit by recent budget cuts.
President Obama is said to be quite proud of the fact that Subsidi-Farm and the U.S. Government can work together toward a well thought-out compromise on the medical marijuana issue, freeing state governments to focus their attention on more pressing matters, such as health care.