White Liberal Falls to Racism
Anytown, USA (GlossyNews) — Kirk Hassenbaum was always a shining example of bleeding heart liberalism. He went to a Liberal Arts college, traveled Europe with the backpack and Birkenstocks crowd, read poetry in coffee houses in San Francisco, rode a…
Bono Undergoes Emergency Back Surgery for ‘Atlas Syndrome’
MUNICH, Germany (GlossyNews) — U2 front man Bono underwent emergency back surgery on May 21, 2010, while preparing for the American leg of the band’s “360 Degree” international tour. U2, having sold an estimated 150 million records, is arguably the…
White Liberals Vow to Never Laugh Again
Auston, TX (GlossyNews) — A group of middle-aged white liberals in Austin, Texas has vowed to never laugh at anything again. Group spokesman, Broice Kafoudlink, or as he is known in the organization, King Fuddy Duddy, declared at a recent…
Pet Stores Donate Birds to Sop Up BP Oil Spill
New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) — The announcement that shipments of millions of small household pets would be soon arriving to the gulf region was met with cheers by cleanup crews who had all but exhausted local populations of coastal animals….
Gordon “Gordy” Chastain, Philanthropist, Inventor, Diplomat, Dead at Age 4
Biloxi, MS (GlossyNews) — Gordon P Chastain, better known to the world as “Gordy” Chastain has died before his time, at the age of four, due to complications from malnutrition and insufficient pediatric medical care. The child, who was to…
Woman Assaults Coffee Shop Patrons with Ditto Head Diatribe
Seattle, WA (GlossyNews) — Kaitlin Greely has found her way into Tawdry Soup for the second time time this year. This time by impressing patrons at the local coffee shop and veggie deli with her deep knowledge of Rush Limbaugh’s…
Guns Galore at 139th Annual Meeting of NRA
Charlotte, NC (GlossyNews) -– It’s all about guns. Guns, guns, guns. Guns and more guns. There are big guns, little guns, guns that kill just one person, and guns that are capable of killing more than one person at a…
Misanthrope Mistaken for Misogynist
David Whittle was mistakenly labeled as merely a woman-hater. His fellow employees were relieved to find out that he is a complete asshole to pretty much everyone.
God Photoshops Jupiter
Galley Leio, Australia – An amateur astronomer from Australia has photos to prove that God has a computer and He’s pretty good at photoshopping objects in the universe to change their appearance (God that is). Take Jupiter for example. Astronomers…
Airline Passengers Share Drop-Down Tray without Consulting Lawyers
The non-verbal, un-written agreement was established quickly to provide two airline passengers with shared-use of the center seat’s drop-down tray.