Gordon “Gordy” Chastain, Philanthropist, Inventor, Diplomat, Dead at Age 4

Biloxi, MS (GlossyNews) — Gordon P Chastain, better known to the world as “Gordy” Chastain has died before his time, at the age of four, due to complications from malnutrition and insufficient pediatric medical care.

The child, who was to become one of the world’s most powerful men, died in the arms of a social worker because the programs which kept him alive through to adolescence had been slashed or never funded.

Chastain, who was going to able to find cures for both Prostate and Breast Cancer at the young age of 27, was also going to be well known for inventing a process which quadrupled the yield of corn, bean and rice plants and thereby nearly ending global hunger in one fell swoop.

Chastain often mentioned his own youth as a poor child who survived on the good graces of robust social and health programs in his home in Mississippi.

Chastain would have once said, “I thank God that I came from a place, a country — America, where the ‘haves’ gave freely to ‘have nots’ and shared the wealth to make sure we all had a future. People were less interested in buying a new car every year than they were in first assuring that the no Americans went hungry, slept outside, or went without the best preventive health care in the world. The true measure of a country is how those who are more fortunate than others help ensure that those others aren’t left behind.”

Chastain, who was destined to grow up to create more than 500 medical and agricultural inventions would have paid more taxes back to the US government than was ever paid out to him by those programs.

Chastain, who as recently as 2043 would have begun programs to build a lasting peace in Palestine and Central Africa, turned down an offer to run for the Presidency. He justified it by explaining, “Although I am an American, I am also a citizen of the world. The best way to ensure the success of America is to ensure the success of other peoples and countries in the world.

In ending hunger, poverty and offer security and education, the world becomes a much safer and prosperous place. I learned as a young man in America that a country is truly safer when it choses to build schools rather than build walls. We learned that in Afghanistan when we made the move to spend more money on rebuilding Afghanistan and providing infrastructure, than spending money rearming. We found that we had more in common between us than differences, and embracing those commonalities helped create real security.”

Gordy Chastain will truly be missed for all the things he will never accomplish. The Conservative think tanks that were able to end the funding of social and medical programs in the US found a myriad of ways to save money to help the rich get richer. Ironically, with the death of Gordy Chastain, they have inflicted themselves with long decades of suffering from the very diseases Gordy Chastain never had the chance to cure.

Author: Reverend Mike

@rev_rend Reverend Mike is a contributing editor for Glossy News. He was a Combat Chaplain with the Soviet Red Army in the 1980s. A career which he describes as an 'unappreciated field of endeavor'. He later worked as an Information Officer with the TASS News Agency on assignment in White Sands, NM. The collapse of the Soviet Union left him unemployed and homeless. He survived by selling magazine subscriptions door to door disguised as a college coed. He was later kidnapped and taken to Shanghai where he was sold into a white slavery ring. He lived as a concubine for a Japanese music industry mogul until 2002 when a wardrobe malfunction revealed his true identity. He found himself homeless and unemployed again, with only his collection of Polaroid snap shots. Reverend Mike has since scraped together a meagre living by blackmailing Japanese industrialists. Reverend Mike lives in a small 5 bedroom penthouse flat overlooking Central Park in New York City. His hobbies include exotic motorcycles, supermodels and owning small nations....