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USA on High Alert As Bushes Threaten Yet Another Bush In Office

USA on High Alert As Bushes Threaten Yet Another Bush In Office

News sources have concurred that not one, but two other members of the Bush family are threatening to seek political seats in 2016.

The same family who brought you Bush I, Iraq War I and Bush the Second, Iraq War II are going to continue their assault on America democracy with yet more kin determined to underscore the US way of life, liberty and the pursuit of getting more stuff. Continue Reading

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Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution

Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution

Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the appropriate time.

But for us, the appropriate time is now, since I have to go to sleep momentarily, and I simply can’t wait for CNN to bum rush the story, as they rush to pull it out of their bums. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

America’s Toughest Sheriff to Serve Border Duty in Syria

America’s Toughest Sheriff to Serve Border Duty in Syria

As violence continues to escalate in the Middle East, millions of refugees have been sent packing to neighboring countries. Many with no other choice but to illegally cross borders.

Not one to take illegal border crossings lightly, self-billed “America’s Toughest Sheriff” Joe Arpaio looks to extend his grip of power to borders in the Middle East beginning with Syria. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, War Zone1 Comment

Obama to cut education funding in “polarizing” move

Obama to cut education funding in “polarizing” move

In a highly polarizing move, President Obama announced he is using his executive powers to cut federal education funding by 50% in order to install polarized windows in the White House.

When reached for comment, President Obama said:

“In order to better serve our country, I need to have a clearer view of our future.”

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Posted in News In Your Briefs, Politics0 Comments

Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’

Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’

WASHINGTON – Countering suggestions that it is “out of touch” with the average American, the United States Government today declared that it always strives to listen to the voice of the people – citing its warrantless wiretap program as evidence.

Introduced by President Bush – who also used the controversial measures to “listen to the concerns of the nation” – the NSA Warrantless Surveillance Program has since been employed by the Obama administration in an effort to “let every voice be heard.” Continue Reading

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Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’

Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’

WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House, apparently forgetful of the fact that he no longer lives there.

Waving to tourists and press photographers, Bush was seen walking his dog Barney around the White House Lawn this morning, just days after several news networks reported that a grey haired Caucasian man was spotted trying to wedge open a window to the Diplomatic Reception Room. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People1 Comment

We Won: Seatac Minimum Wage Initiative Restored to November Ballot

We Won: Seatac Minimum Wage Initiative Restored to November Ballot

SeaTac voters celebrate win: State Court of Appeals orders SeaTac Proposition 1 back on November ballot

Today, September 6th, 2013, with only two hours to spare before the King County Election board’s cutoff for printing, Proposition 1 to raise minimum wage at Seatac Airport and surrounding airport-related businesses is back on the ballot. Continue Reading

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Big Business Attempts to Steal My Vote, Steels My Resolve

Big Business Attempts to Steal My Vote, Steels My Resolve

Seatac has an initiative that may or may not be on the ballot this November, thanks to activist judge Andrea Darvas. They’ve tried like hell to usurp my voting right, but I’m still here, guys.

READ ALSO:
• SeaTac Minimum Wage Vote Goes Court (and I’m the Plaintiff… seriously)
• Opponents of SeaTac’s Minimum Wage Push-Polled me, Obviously Running Scared
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Opponents of SeaTac’s Minimum Wage Push-Polled me, Obviously Running Scared

Opponents of SeaTac’s Minimum Wage Push-Polled me, Obviously Running Scared

There’s a dirty trick in politics called the push poll. That’s when pollsters seek to sway the election by sowing seeds of doubt. Bush did it (successfully) against McCain, and the No On Prop-1 people in Seatac tried it on me. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Serious Commentary0 Comments

SeaTac Minimum Wage Vote Goes Court (and I’m the Plaintiff… seriously)

SeaTac Minimum Wage Vote Goes Court (and I’m the Plaintiff… seriously)

Citizens in the city of Seatac, WA, where I live, have tried to bring a $15/hr. minimum wage for airport and hospitality workers to a vote. But opponents have shut it down and I’ve filed a lawsuit against the city, so here we are.

This is not a satirical story, this is 100% fact. I am the plaintiff named in the suit against the City of Seatac for kicking out my petition signature for lacking a date, even when undated signatures have a precedent of being accepted in the past. Continue Reading

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Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria

Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria

Despite a Reuters/Ipsos poll showing that only 9% of Americans support military intervention in Syria, the White House today assured the public that a more recent and reliable poll leaves no doubt that the President’s constituency favors war.

The poll was conducted by Defense Industries Systems Information, Inc. (DIS Information). It shows that 99.9% prefer increased U.S. military intervention. The poll has a .1% margin of error. DIS Information spokesperson Lyon Daly spoke to this reporter about the polling methodology and findings.

RIGHT: Obama supporters discuss Syria options. Continue Reading

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Gun Laws, Same-Sex Marriage, Women’s Rights, Economy, Healthcare Reform, Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Syria, Education Set to Become Number One Issue of Election

Gun Laws, Same-Sex Marriage, Women’s Rights, Economy, Healthcare Reform, Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Syria, Education Set to Become Number One Issue of Election

WASHINGTON D.C. – With the presidential election just 3 months away, political insiders believe that the one central issue facing the candidates in November will be gun laws, same-sex marriage, women’s rights, the economy, healthcare reform, and just generally everything that people are upset about. Continue Reading

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Cocktail Party Deteriorates Into Political Party

Cocktail Party Deteriorates Into Political Party

INDIANAPOLIS – A cocktail party took just two hours to deteriorate into a fledgling political party Monday, after the event’s laid-back atmosphere took on a more serious and philosophical tone.

Guests arrived at The Hilton Indianapolis Hotel in buoyant mood, expecting a productive night of alcohol consumption and networking.

However, events took a swift turn after one guest made a single reference to the 2006 Military Commissions Act, spawning an all night discussion on the topic of government legislation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Society0 Comments

Congress to Pit Literal Donkey v. Elephant to Determine Best Political Party

Congress to Pit Literal Donkey v. Elephant to Determine Best Political Party

Democrats and GOP Anxious to Find Out How Animals That Represent Them Will Fare in Battle For Zoological Dominance

WASHINGTON DC—In a startling attempt to determine, once in for all, which party reigns supreme in US government, members of congress have agreed to let a donkey and an elephant fight to the death in the foyer of the Capitol Building in Washington DC.

The two creatures will be angered by electrical prodding and then released into a small pen where they will be forced to kick, stomp, and smash each others’ bodies until a survivor is deemed victorious. Continue Reading

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Edward Snowden, Known Criminal, Actually a Hero?

Edward Snowden, Known Criminal, Actually a Hero?

The NSA was doing bad things, Snowden knew it even as a low-level contractor, and he blew the whistle. (In)conveniently, Obama has removed “protect whistleblower” from his website, but maybe this makes it all the more poignant.

Here’s this guy, stuck in limbo, knowing that he’s done his best to inform and advise the American and frankly the world public… yet he’s a wanted man. Continue Reading

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Libertarian Congress Legalizes Child Labor

Libertarian Congress Legalizes Child Labor

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a landmark vote on Monday morning, the Libertarian-controlled Congress passed a bill eliminating all prohibitions on child labor in the United States.

Standing outside the Capitol Building, large swaths of supporters wearing Ayn Rand t-shirts emblazoned with the words “Our Market, Our Money, Our Bank Accounts” cheered loudly as House Speaker Paul Ryan read the tally.

“With 357 votes in the affirmative, the Congress of these United States has decided to put the market first. For far too long this sick regulatory environment has been strangling the life out of individualism and family values.” Continue Reading

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