Category: Top Stories
Administration to Pre-empt Iran by Nuking Israel First
Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward has released another transcript of a recent White House strategy session, this one devoted to the looming Iran-Israel confrontation.
Al Qaeda Split Over Obama Overtures
A source in al Qaeda’s inner circle tells Al Jazeera that hardliners oppose Osama bin Laden’s decision to alter the organization’s tactics in response to President Barack Obama’s overtures to the Muslim world.
Carville Named “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar”
Washington – Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano introduced James Carville today as the Department’s new “Right Wing Threat Assessment Czar.” A political science professor at Tulane, Carville is inexplicably married to Republican strategist Mary Matalin.
Matrix Made Keanu Reeves 1/3rd Billionaire
If you’re a big fan of The Matrix, or The Matrix Reloaded, you likely assume Keanu Reeves earned a hefty Hollywood sum, and you’d be partly right. He did earn a massive pile of money, but it was more like…
US Fathers Pledge to Model Obama: Promise Kids Puppy If Elected President
Taking up the difficult charge requested of the nation’s newest president, fathers around the country have stepped up to make difficult choices and keep hope alive in the next generation. Many are doing this by emulating the exact behavior of…
Three Reasons Obama Will Not Be Assassinated
With President Elect Obama within days of inauguration as the first black president of these United States, and tensions still running extremely high from the divisive campaigns run by all of the serious GOP contenders, there is very real talk,…
God Answers McCain’s Prayers with Resounding “No”
God, highest imagined power in all the universe, perhaps best known as the creator of day and night, took a few minutes away from his daily chore of answering billions of prayers for wealth, fame and sexual partners to publicly…
Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course
Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by…
Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight
Toyota Motor Corp. set themselves apart from American automakers in the 80’s and 90’s by designing quality vehicles absent of planned functional obsolescences. This decade Toyota made their mark by introducing the Prius, the first hybrid car to hit the…
J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union
After months of inflationary pressure and exterior expansion, sources close to J-Lo’s ass are reporting the beefy rump intends to secede from the main body of Ms. Lopez.