Category: Top Stories
Newt Gingrich Blames Obama for Setting Marital Standards Too High
For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those…
Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates
MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them. Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the…
Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu
WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu. “Let me be clear. We are not limiting these…
Obama Not Reading Book Upside Down When Bin Laden Killed
It has already started, the “What were you doing when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden was killed?” Most of us were getting ready for bed or already there on a Sunday evening when the news broke. Not…
Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents
Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born…
Darkest Horse in the Race Officially Announces Candidacy For President
The following missive was delivered soaking wet with mud stains to the local publisher of dead, compressed tree pulp with black ink smathered across it: Dear Aspen Daily News, It is a great grievance to me to have not been…
Usama bin Laden, a Touching Eulogy
VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate. I thought I had…
Osama Bin Laden Slips In Shower, Dies
Islamabad, I think it was last week – GlossyNews.com – After two decades of military operations spanning four continents, at a cost billions of dollars and thousands of U.S. and coalition lives, Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden died suddenly…
Montana’s Governor — Blazing Hot, Full o’ Crap, or Crapaliciously Both?
HELENA, MT. – With his “Burning Corn Cob Juggling Act” on the skids, Democratic Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, brazenly rejected 17 Republican bills using a red hot branding iron. Frenetic steers in the crowd collapsed at the sight of the…
Federal Workforce May Have Topped 3-Million, or Maybe Not
Washington DC – GlossyNews.com – According to the most recent government data available, Uncle Sam’s civilian workforce may have topped 3 million as of March 1, 2010, says spokeswoman Audrey Slaberman. “This is a truly remarkable achievement,” says Slaberman, “that…