Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu

WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu.

“Let me be clear. We are not limiting these cuts to the traditional Garlic aioli,” the President told a group of reporters at the White House on Tuesday afternoon, “No. We’re cutting all kinds of aioli—Chipotle, Basil, Dill, Tarragon, even Mint, despite the fact that it goes so well over the Braised Lamb Shanks with Thyme.”

Future cuts in the menu will include replacing pancetta with plain old bacon, and switching to regular cow’s milk feta, in addition to simplifying condiment choices.

Obama ended his speech with the following statement: “We have to ask ourselves if we really need six different types of relish. I am standing here today to tell you, NO, we do not! Three is enough for the White House, and three is enough for America!”

White House Head Chef, Cristeta Comerford, declined to comment about the proposed menu cuts; however, sources say she was last seen standing over the First Lady’s organic herb garden with her head bowed in silent prayer.

For more information on the menu cuts, visit www.pullingoutallthechops.com

Author: Ashley Watson

Ashley Watson is a professional writer and amateur stand-up comedian. In her spare time, she enjoys being stalked on Facebook, playing the role of scapegoat for friends who can't seem to see the value in hiring a decent therapist, and finally, pretending that there's someone out there for her, just waiting for that perfect moment to dispel all the myths about how shitty it is to be dating in your mid-thirties.