Washington DC – GlossyNews.com – According to the most recent government data available, Uncle Sam’s civilian workforce may have topped 3 million as of March 1, 2010, says spokeswoman Audrey Slaberman.
“This is a truly remarkable achievement,” says Slaberman, “that over the course of the worst economic downturn in eighty years the federal bureaucracy continued to put on fat just as it did in the previous upturn. Presidents come and go all claiming they will slenderize this insatiable beast but it just grows and grows.”
Slaberman emphasized, however, that it is impossible to provide an exact rate of growth of current federal bureaucrats at this time, forget about an exact count of them, as many agencies are unsure where they all are.
Reportedly, “no shows” (meaning workers who’ve quit) often reappear unexpectedly and file personnel complaints for being dropped from the payroll when it turns out they had not really quit or died after all but had merely decided to “work at home” or in some cases go to pornographic movies during the day.
Slaberman says, however, the feds have recently put out a bid to hire a private contractor to find out exactly how many of them there are, and she expects the contract to be awarded to a private firm “sometime in the future, possibly 2012.” When pressed as to why the government can not count its own workers, Slaberman turned testy and replied, “We don’t have the staff for that.”