Osama Bin Laden Slips In Shower, Dies

Islamabad, I think it was last week – GlossyNews.com – After two decades of military operations spanning four continents, at a cost billions of dollars and thousands of U.S. and coalition lives, Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden died suddenly last week.

Sources in Pakistan say he was found slumped in his bathroom. Bin Laden’s physician, Dr Ibrahem Patel, said he was still in shock over the incident. “One minute he was with us.

The next he was gone. It was horrible. There was talcum powder everywhere.” Bin Ladens other personal attendants were also noticeably rattled.

“I blame myself,” said Tariq the Sheik, who claimed to be Bin Ladens pilates instructor. “We’d just finished a 40 minute routine. He was showering up. I forgot to change the bath mat. Allah may never forgive me.”

Bin Laden, who has survived countless American military operations and air strikes, was seemingly spared the dangers of showering in the Tora Bora mountain regions of Afghanistan, and the real threats to his life began when he moved to a Pakistani safe house with running water.

President Obama, who convened a special address to the nation to announce the news, claimed that Bin Ladens passing was “no coincidence” and was the culmination of a CIA operation codenamed ‘Slippery Tile’. “The CIA and our special forces troops have done America proud and brought this evil man to justice,” stated President Obama.

“Thanks to the Pentagons invasive non-stick porcelain nanotechnology, terrorist masterminds will never be able to use their facilities safely. Wherever they may hide.”

Image courtesy of TheObamaOsama.com.

Author: S.G. McCormick

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