Category: Top Stories
Ralph Lauren Apologizes to Mitt Romney for Chinese-Made Yarmulke
Ralph Lauren has found himself in another tight spot this weekend when it was revealed that the yarmulkes designed for Romney’s visit to Israel were also made in China. A quick apology was issued when news of the non-kosher yarmulkes…
Mitt Romney Adopts His Overseas Money; Emotional Reunion at Airport
BOSTON–It was quite the Hallmark moment for the Romney clan today as the former governor stood next to his campaign bus at the Logan International Airport, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his newly adopted sons. And as his “precious cargo”…
There Is A Psychic Sickness That Runs Through the Denver Metro Area
This is NOT a funny article. There is a strain of psychic illness prevalent in certain social stratas of the Denver area of the Colorado Front Range. It is a sickness that spreads tendrils like a cancer. It has been…
Copyright Take-Down: Mount Olympus Forced to Change its Name in Honor of London 2012
LONDON–The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come…
Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics
Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal…
Exclusive interview with Chase CEO Jaime Dimon
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JP MORGAN CHASE CEO JAIME DIMON by Derisive Duck senior business editor. Derisive Duck: “Mr. Dimon, may I call you Jaime?” Dimon: “No.” DD: “Please explain to our readers, Mr. Dimon, how your bank could lose more…
Commoners Tell Romneys ‘Screw You and the Dressage Horse You Rode in On’
While the financially elite in London are said to be looking forward to showing Mitt and Ann Romney a jolly good time in London this week, the majority of ordinary Londoners would be just as happy to see the Romneys…
U.S. House of Representatives Votes to Abolish Satire
The United States House of Representatives has recently conducted a bipartisan vote to abolish all forms of satire within the country in a move clearly designed to belie the widely held notion that Congress is the place where good ideas…
Syrian President’s Approval Rating Plummets to Record Low 112%
DAMASCUS – As bloodshed continues to spread across Damascus and outlying regions of Syria, the country’s embattled President Bashar al-Assad has seen his approval rating plummet to a record low of 112% – with thousands more protesters taking to the…
Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”
Police are on the look out for a rouge freelance journalist suspected of reckless disregard of media protocol and assault with a rhetorical question. The unknown journalist first struck at a Romney campaign stop in New Hampshire and asked about…