Category: Top Stories
Architects Debate Positive Uses of Nerve Gas
Today in Geneva the International Architects Association (the I. A. ASS) met to discuss their position on the use of nerve gas in warfare. Two factions have argued repeatedly about the issue, but never adopting a formal stance to lobby…
Overpass for Impeachment Collapses
Karma struck on the I-5 Interstate in Carlsbad, California yesterday when one of the “Overpasses for Impeachment” collapsed, sending 12 people to the hospital. According to federal databases, the freeway overpass had recently been graded “functionally obsolete” but still legally…
USA on High Alert As Bushes Threaten Yet Another Bush In Office
News sources have concurred that not one, but two other members of the Bush family are threatening to seek political seats in 2016. The same family who brought you Bush I, Iraq War I and Bush the Second, Iraq War…
Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution
Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the…
America’s Toughest Sheriff to Serve Border Duty in Syria
As violence continues to escalate in the Middle East, millions of refugees have been sent packing to neighboring countries. Many with no other choice but to illegally cross borders. Not one to take illegal border crossings lightly, self-billed “America’s Toughest…
Syria & the Ever-Changing Face of American Patriotism & International Responsibility
The American psyche sometimes goes through amazing changes. 12 years ago we couldn’t wait to get our hands on that ultimate harbinger of evil Saddam Hussein and his dire WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION (GASP!!!!!!!) and to send his bad self…
Obama to cut education funding in “polarizing” move
In a highly polarizing move, President Obama announced he is using his executive powers to cut federal education funding by 50% in order to install polarized windows in the White House. When reached for comment, President Obama said: “In order…
Wiretap Program ‘Proof That Government Listens to the People’
WASHINGTON – Countering suggestions that it is “out of touch” with the average American, the United States Government today declared that it always strives to listen to the voice of the people – citing its warrantless wiretap program as evidence….
Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House,…
African Dictator Unveils Plan to Combat AIDS Epidemic: ‘Let Them All Starve’
HARARE, ZIMBABWE – Following an emergency meeting with senior members of his ZANU PF Party, longtime ruler of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe unveiled bold new plans Friday to alleviate the country’s growing AIDS outbreak, declaring: “they must all starve.” Opting to…