Category: Top Stories
Obama Delays Holidays Until After Election
(Washington, D.C.) – On Friday, President Obama pushed back making a decision on the long debated Keystone XL Pipeline until after the upcoming 2014 midterm elections. Worried about upsetting his core constituencies, Mr. Obama decided that while he had his…
MSNBC Host Enters Rehab for ‘Tingles’ and Slobbering Affection for President
(Palm Springs, CA) – After nearly six years of denial, MSNBC talk show host Chris Matthews, has finally checked himself into rehab due to the “tingles” he experiences whenever he sees, hears or meets President Barack Obama. Matthews has been…
Koch Bros. Top $100 Billion, Dead Pharaohs Impressed
Charles and David Koch, best known for the purest grades of frack-water you drink and the mercury you breathe, have reportedly topped the $100 billion mark in net worth. Let’s break down how much money that really is. Clearly it’s…
Aretha Franklin Chills Satireverse
Damn. Those are some big mammies. We’re talking motor yacht and a snorkel. [SOURCE 1] and [SOURCE 2]. Some people just can’t take a joke… I don’t get this one. If anyone should feel slighted it’s LaBelle, who the article…
Shock Saudi Royal Wedding ‘She’s Definitely In My Top 5’ Says Prince
Crown Prince Abdul Rahman Al-Saud of Saudi Arabia whose family have not only ruled the desert kingdom for over 80 years but also give the country the first part of its name, is to marry an American Jewish pork butcher…
Kim Jong-un Diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer; Citizens Forced to Cry or be Shot
It was early spring of 2014 when the savior of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, was enjoying his three course meal in complete tranquility, an annual source of food considered by his people. To everyone’s surprise, later that day, it was…
Pistorius’ Defence ‘A Shot in the Dark’
A leaked document has been revealed to the press outlining Oscar Pistorius’ proposed defence arguments in his ongoing murder trial. The legal brief describes the three main planks to his defence designed to undermine the prosecutors case.Firstly he is to…
Malaysian Flight MH370 Survivors ‘Confirmed’
Kimi Ono, head of the MH370 survivors group, held a press conference today, to deny claims from the Malaysian investigation authorities that all those aboard the doomed plane were ‘obviously now dead’. Mrs Ono began ‘I know my husband is…
Malaysian Airliner Wins Gold in 2014’s Hide and Seek Olympic Tournament
Malaysian Airliner MH370 staff and passengers were officially declared 2014’s Hide and Seek gold champions by the International Olympics Committee this week leaving millions pissed that the team did not attempt to break the world record set by Osama Bin…
International MH370 Search Efforts To Be Unified Under “Operation Wild Goose”
Responding to criticism that search efforts for the ill fated Flight 370 have been unfocused, haphazard and confusing, United Nations Secretary-General Ban-ki-moon announced today that all future efforts will be directed by one authority under the title “Operation Wild Goose”.