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Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

Bush Commands AF-1 Due South to Greenland, Stays the Course

Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by new information suggesting Greenland may instead lie to the northeast of Virginia, insisting, “If we change course now, the terrorists win.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

Toyota Motor Corp. set themselves apart from American automakers in the 80’s and 90’s by designing quality vehicles absent of planned functional obsolescences. This decade Toyota made their mark by introducing the Prius, the first hybrid car to hit the market. Critics have praised it while still dubbing it a “gutless crackerbox”, but now crackers have a sporty carriage of testosterone to choose while pretending to remain eco-friendly. Call it the hybrid Volta or the inbred Priapus, either way it still smells like raw pheromones. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union

J-Lo’s Ass to Secede From the Union

After months of inflationary pressure and exterior expansion, sources close to J-Lo’s ass are reporting the beefy rump intends to secede from the main body of Ms. Lopez. Continue Reading

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Coca-Cola Deploys 5,000 Troops to Somalia

Coca-Cola Deploys 5,000 Troops to Somalia

Coca-Cola was forced to withdraw their 8,000 peacekeeping troops from Somalia when war broke out in 1989. The civil scene has since subsided and civilians, long thirsty for caffeinated cola, seem eager to embrace the armed forces being provided by Coca-Cola. Continue Reading

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N. Korea on Bush: “Only After Our Coal”

N. Korea on Bush: “Only After Our Coal”

PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – In a statement released Friday, North Korea’s President Kim Jong II denounced President Bush’s diplomatic pressure on his nation and accused America of targeting North Korea because of the country’s coal, iron, magnesite, graphite, copper, zinc, and lead mining prospects. The U.S. claims its diplomatic efforts have come as a response to Kim’s refusal to acknowledge the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in December, but North Korea fears the U.S. is after much more. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

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