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Congress Proposes Replacing 2010 Election w/ “Psychic Estimate” Index

Congress Proposes Replacing 2010 Election w/ “Psychic Estimate” Index

hWashington, DC (GlossyNews): House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, met with the press and Congressional leaders today to discuss replacing the 2010 mid-term election cycle with a “psychic estimate” of the voters’ true intent.

“There are just so many distractions and inherent inequalities in the current electoral process, we have to seriously question whether a fair electron is even possible,” Pelosi stated. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism1 Comment

Sarah Palin: So Main Street Joe Six-Pack It’s Scary

Sarah Palin: So Main Street Joe Six-Pack It’s Scary

Arguably the most appealing characteristic of Sarah Palin is that she’s one of us. She’s not one of those elitists who finished her undergrad degree from just one school, and she doesn’t know what the heck Charlie Gibson is talking about when he springs ambiguous gotcha questions like the one about the Bush Doctrine. We all know what Bush stood for, but none of us knew what the heck that question was all about… could you be any more vague, Chuckles McGibson, hack? Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics2 Comments

Diploma Xpress Accuses Competition of Poor Quality Fake Diplomas

Diploma Xpress Accuses Competition of Poor Quality Fake Diplomas

In another case of a war of words in the cutthroat man-eat-man business of fake certificates, diplomaxpress.com a leading diploma mill, berated it’s main rival succeedonline.com for producing substandard fake diplomas for the market. Sure, the degrees are as false as any, but the quality of the physical diplomas are, according to some, of lackluster production value. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book

Senator John McCain’s fierce stance against repealing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has brought about speculation of his hatred for homosexuals. While McCain cites the hardships that military members face in Iraq and Afghanistan, many others are accusing the senator of attempting to bury his own skeletons. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics4 Comments

Storm has DC Scrambling for Staples

Storm has DC Scrambling for Staples

WASHINGTON, D.C.— It all began innocently enough with light flakes around noon in downtown D.C. Forecasters warned of 30 inches or more of heavy, wet snow and powerful winds. Devastating for Washington. It would become the heaviest snowfall since January 1922 in the nation’s capital. Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories0 Comments

John Edwards to Appear on Jerry Springer

John Edwards to Appear on Jerry Springer

In what is hailed as a media coup, former 2008 presidential candidate John Edwards has agreed to an exclusive deal with Jerry Springer Productions.

According to Washington insiders, the move is a bold “out of the box” insurgency first step in challenging Barack Obama in 2012. Former McGovern advisor Everest Hauptbottom said, “This could work for Edwards. Voters are sick and tired of maritally faithful leaders. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Secessionists Pass out Own Survey to Tea Party Attendees

Secessionists Pass out Own Survey to Tea Party Attendees

A South Carolina independent rag known as the Secessionist News developed a Survey entitled “Where Do You Stand as a True American?” They hope it will be picked up and answered by lots of Tea Party Convention delegates in an effort to get a finger on the pulse of the true American. We have recreated the survey here for convenience of reading (sample original survey shown below). We hope to report the findings once responses start to trickle in. Feel free to give your own answers if you’ve a mind to. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Tips on Keeping Your Job in a Sucky Economy

Tips on Keeping Your Job in a Sucky Economy

Well I am still employed! So things can’t be too bad. Every day while having my coffee and donuts, I read about massive layoffs and wonder if the ax will ever fall over here. So today I am going to offer some valuable tips to the working men and woman of America on how to look busy at work so you don’t get your lazy assets fired. Continue Reading

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Important Tips For Tax Deductions (Regardless of What Your Brother-In-Law Says)

Important Tips For Tax Deductions (Regardless of What Your Brother-In-Law Says)

Alcatraz, CA – Thinking about deducting those drinks that you had Friday night as a business expense? You are not alone. Looking for some last minute tax deductions? Well, we can’t help you, but we do have some tips on deductions to help you avoid the wrath of the IRS. IRS 1040 Tax Form. Continue Reading

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Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

A former Fox News employee is threatening to file a lawsuit in New York District Court against News Corp, the parent company of Fox News Channel, and Fox News President, Roger Ailes, claiming that she was wrongfully terminated when she told the HR manager that she could no longer work closely with Mr. Ailes due to his “inability to control his intestinal disruptions regularly throughout the day.” In other words, his farts stank to high heavens. Additional claims of unsafe working conditions and exposure to an environmental hazard in the workplace are also being leveled against the company. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Television1 Comment

Important Convention Announcement by Tea Party Nation

Important Convention Announcement by Tea Party Nation

Richmond, VA – As many of you may already know, due to circumstances not entirely out of our control, many of our original sponsors have pulled their support from the first National Tea Party Convention scheduled to take place on February 4-6, 2010 in Nashville, TN. Because of this, and the higher than expected fee(s) we unrealistically committed ourselves to paying the keynote speaker(s), we have been forced to drastically cut back on a majority of the activities scheduled for the Convention. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Sarah Palin “Wants in” on Jesus Rifle Scopes

Sarah Palin “Wants in” on Jesus Rifle Scopes

Upon hearing that Michigan defense contractor, Trijicon, has been supplying the US military with rifle sights inscribed with New Testament Bible passage references on them, Sarah Palin contacted the company’s headquarter offices to try and pull some strings to get a few of the rifle sights for her own hunting rifles. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People0 Comments

Corporate Execs Spell Out Their Goals — Greed, Lust and Power

Corporate Execs Spell Out Their Goals — Greed, Lust and Power

Mission statements are a modern attempt to give pretend meaning and an acceptable facade to the corporation in its never ending pursuit of profits. They are the true intentions and purposes of the business, supposedly. The problem is that the facade is leaning and the meaning is muddled. If we could see the corporate executive’s REAL intentions, they might look something like this: Continue Reading

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An Audacious Attempt at Haitian Relief Efforts

An Audacious Attempt at Haitian Relief Efforts

The headlines read: “Americans Held Taking Children from Haiti.” It then goes on to report that a group of 10 Baptists mostly from Idaho, but also from Texas and Kansas formed the “Haitian Orphan Rescue Mission” in order to go into Haiti, “scoop up 100 orphans” out of the wreckage of Haiti and ultimately transport them to an orphanage they were “planning” to build in the Dominican Republic. The 33 children they were in “possession” of ranged in age from 2 months to 12 years old. Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

GOP Expects Death Star Fully Operational Prior to 2012 Elections

GOP Expects Death Star Fully Operational Prior to 2012 Elections

Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the ‘Evil Empire’, plan to have their Death Star fully operational by the 2012 election.

The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’s studios ans used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Goldman Sachs Execs Actually Appreciate “Gold Man Sacks” Jabs

Goldman Sachs Execs Actually Appreciate “Gold Man Sacks” Jabs

Goldman Sachs is arguably best known as the firm that created the most wealth for the most clients over the longest sub-decade period of prosperity in modern history, though they’re as well known as the people who created the equally dismal downturn. Now, with the rise of satirists like Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, they’re better known as the men with “Golden Man Sacks”, and that’s apparently a joke they’re just fine with. Continue Reading

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