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UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face

UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face

Great Britain was left devastated today by the news that the government’s planned public spending review would be extended to include the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next month. Until now the British public had born the news that their hospitals, schools, libraries and armed forces were to have their budgets slashed with gritty stoicism.

However news that the lavish celebrations for the marriage of the third in line to the throne, also funded by the taxpayer, were to be hit resulted in an outpouring of emotion. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Subsidi-Farm Ramps up Medical Marijuana Production to Fund Libyan War

Subsidi-Farm Ramps up Medical Marijuana Production to Fund Libyan War

Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running dry when it comes to funding social programs, medical health programs and education, but with this latest source of income, the President hopes to stave off any criticism for borrowing more heavily from the Chinese to maintain our presence in 3 wars. Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories, War Zone0 Comments

Labor Unrest Hits Candy Tycoon in the Sweet Spot

Labor Unrest Hits Candy Tycoon in the Sweet Spot

Shares of Wonka Foods International, the silent parent company of both Hershey and Nestle, opened sharply lower today as disturbing news reached Wall Street. It appears anti-collective bargaining legislation recently introduced in Wisconsin has spawned a backlash that now threatens the Wonka candy empire. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News6 Comments

AT&T / T-Mobile Merger Already Faces Grassroots Opposition

AT&T / T-Mobile Merger Already Faces Grassroots Opposition

With the recent announcement that despised telecom giant AT&T would be purchasing T-Mobile for $39 billion came the launch of a grassroots opposition movement dead-set against the transaction. If you have an opinion about the merger, this may be of interest to you.

The site is called www.StopThisMerger.com, and it looks like it is going to cover all the news that you need from now until the merger is completed… or it isn’t. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Books, Newspapers & Misc3 Comments

Al Qaeda Confirms Bin Laden Dead; Organizational Changes

Al Qaeda Confirms Bin Laden Dead; Organizational Changes

CAIRO — Al Qaeda issued this statement to Internet militant websites:

“We regret to announce that our Premier Leader, Usama bin Laden was killed Monday in plain sight at his home in the city of Abbottabad, Pakistan. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Global Gasoline and Poster Board Prices Rise Sharply

Global Gasoline and Poster Board Prices Rise Sharply

New York, NY, GlossyNews.com– Speculation and tensions are rising on Wall Street as political unrest in the Middle East is not only causing gasoline prices to skyrocket, but poster board prices are at an all-time high as well. Although in Libya, concentration has shifted from protests to civil war, elsewhere in the Middle East, protests still rage on. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News1 Comment

BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor

BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor

Media release: Monaco, 0800hrs, Energy giant BP, (formerly British Petroleum) has announced an offer of support to the Japanese government overnight, pledging to fully rebuild the nation’s damaged nuclear reactors on undisclosed but “very favorable” terms. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, World News16 Comments

Scott Walker Declares Himself a Wisconsin Hero

Scott Walker Declares Himself a Wisconsin Hero

Scott Walker defines a hero as “someone who, against all odds, does what is necessary to fight evil in the world.” And so it is that Walker believes that he is doing the right thing by making sure teachers don’t bankrupt the state.

“If we were to pay teachers what they would like to be paid, and give them the benefits they believe they should get, there would be nothing left to give to the private sector folks whom I pledged my allegiance to in order to get elected,” said Walker. “I have a duty to those folks and I am a man of my word.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics5 Comments

“Unstoppable-Radioactive-Tsunami-Earthquake” Reports Initially Dismissed as Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quote

“Unstoppable-Radioactive-Tsunami-Earthquake” Reports Initially Dismissed as Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quote

Tokyo, 730am. The global community was reeling in shock today after multiple disasters struck the Tohoku region of Japan in the North West Pacific Ocean. An earthquake followed by a tsunami, followed by a nuclear meltdown. As local Tohoku farmer Tonka Asahi put it, “We Nippon used to tsunami and earthcrake and radiation. But all thlee at once? Give us a blake!” Continue Reading

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Posted in World News24 Comments

Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces

Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces

Sarah Palin recently went on Fox News and publicly admitted that she could use some help in paying for her kids’ dental expenses. “Do you even know how much a set of braces costs these days?” asked Palin as she made her case for asking folks who impersonate her to help shoulder some of the financial burden of raising kids in today’s economy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics0 Comments

Scott Walker Begs Koch Brothers to Release Him from Pact

Scott Walker Begs Koch Brothers to Release Him from Pact

While Scott Walker says he doesn’t want to compare his relationship with the Koch Brothers as being akin to selling your soul to the devil, seeing as he’s a devout Christian and all, his friends say he is feeling the heat being turned up on him and, like a rat in a maze, is trying to find a quick exit out of the Wisconsin morass. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

How to Get AOL to Buy Your Blog for Millions

How to Get AOL to Buy Your Blog for Millions

You may have heard the recent news about AOL purchasing Huffington Post for the sum of $315 million dollars. Will AOL buy your blog? Will AOL pay you a million dollars for your blog or website? Will AOL give you hundreds of millions of dollars to buy your blog? Are you crazy?

The short answer is maybe, but the longer answer is maybe-but-a-we-just-a-gotta-wait-and-see, but maybe not for $315 million cold, hard smackeroos. It could be more, though it could be much, much less… and you’d still be happy about it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Internets Tubes1 Comment

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