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U.S. Department Stores Renew War on Christmas

U.S. Department Stores Renew War on Christmas

If you haven’t entered a department store since early October, local man Skip Peters thinks you may be in for a shock. “Not one employee will wish you a merry Christmas,” he claims.

According to Peters, stores across the country have boxed up the lawn inflatables and dancing Santas, along with their holiday cheer. What started as a protest by Starbucks has quickly spread across the nation.

As Peters puts it, “They’ve stolen the joy from young and old alike.” Continue Reading

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The Paris Tragedies

The Paris Tragedies

Note from Wallace:

This essay from Appleseed Ike appeared very early in the history of the Neocon Surveillance site, and the Peace Criminals Project more generally.

These meditations are particularly poignant in light of further terrorist tragedies and atrocities in recent times, including Berlin.

Thank you, Ike! Continue Reading

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Nasty Politician Memes

Nasty Politician Memes

War in Yemen, William Hague, Dick Cheney, Samantha Power, Obama…

Gotta love these guys! Continue Reading

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Gone But Not Forgotten: John Kerry Meme Tribute

Gone But Not Forgotten: John Kerry Meme Tribute

 The High Sultan of Flip-Flop will soon shuffle mournfully off the political scene. But let’s remember some of the highlights of John Kerry’s career.

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An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

An ‘Inconvenient’ Parable

I wish Tony Blair would just go away.

He’s like a clingy one night stand that keeps calling you up every now and then at 3 am, completely out of the blue, in order to tell you who much he loves you and giving you unsolicited advice about how to live your life and manage your affairs! Continue Reading

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4 More Reasons Why You Should Join ISIS

4 More Reasons Why You Should Join ISIS

A lot of people were offended by the recent Ten Great Reasons to Join ISIS article by Kilroy.
I found myself at a bit of a loss to write an even edgier article.
However, help is at hand!
Notable Moderate Political Islamist Teddy Ramallah of Cowbridge University has asked me to forward this ISIS recruitment advert to you.
I’m all for tolerance and respecting the sincerely held beliefs of others; diversity is our greatest strength, and as we all share a common humanity, I’m going to respect Teddy Ramallah’s ideological and ethical diversity, just like you ought to respect mine.
We’re all in this together… so, here we go!

#1 License to Kill & Be Killed (Just Like James Bond!)

I mean, I know bitches look down on you and all them white-ass hos don’t give you no pussy. Why don’t you actually get a bit classy so those prissy kafffir girls are actually eating out of your jihadi-bride-whacking fistifcuffs?

#2 No Muh Peer Pressure to Read

I mean, who actually LIKES reading? A lot of jihadists are very intelligent anyway, like Imam Khomeini (peace and blessings of the Dean be upon him), who wrote an entire several-volume book about chicken-fucking and marrying kids. So dump that stupid jaheel college of yours and learn that you actually have something constructive to do in this world. I mean, I can already see you are a better fit here, than there!

 #3 ISIS are anti-imperialists

Iraq and Syria and other apostate countries were carved up from the fall of the Ottoman empire. If you oppose an empire, you are an anti-imperialist! By definition! I mean, how much simpler do I have to say it?

#4 ISIS are Radical Cosmopolitans with a Global Outlook

All we want to do is to abolish all those arbitrary national boundaries that divide and alienate and that capitalists are always taking advantage of in order to oppress and exploit the innocent.
Unlike the racists and nationalists of America, our only desire is to reunited the world and bring about one common humanity and one single global village in peace and universal brotherhood. How many liberal interventionist or neocon infidels have you ever heard saying that?!

***

#HASHTAG

#SORRYIFYOUWEREOFFENDED

#IMEANIHAVEJIHADIFRIENDS

#ONLYACOUPLEMIND

#WELLDEARMEPEOPLEREALLYARESOSENSITIVENOWADAYSARENTTHEY

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Have You Ever Thought About Joining ISIS?

Have You Ever Thought About Joining ISIS?

NOTE FROM WALLACE RUNNYMEDE:

We rarely republish pieces at Glossy News, even though the ‘Glossy News Classics’ occasional series will feature some great work from our back catalogue. But this recent piece was so hilarious, we are publishing it again! And a couple of minutes, my humble follow-up will appear here at Glossy News. I am afraid it cannot measure up to Kilroy’s great story here: but hopefully both pieces will be very enjoyable…

And thought-provoking!

Now, what on earth did I mean by that…

!

***

Greetings and salutations dysfunctional Western youth. God is great and so are you! We are ISIS and we are looking for a few good martyrs! Are you that special person who is destined to do great things for a great cause? Then we’re looking for you. Yes you! No, not you, the guy behind you. You there. You!

You didn’t stumble upon this website by accident. You were led here by a greater power. Isn’t that great? But enough polite western salutations and fragile ego stroking of weak infidels soon to die! Did we say that out loud? Sorry. Please allow us to to sing you a subliminal siren’s song about ten great reasons to join ISIS, with a Metallica sound track and nanosecond edited grotesque imagery at regular intervals.

1. Great Tax Breaks—As a member of ISIS you will no longer be required to pay taxes to the imperialist, godless devils of the United States of America. However we do require you make an occasional modest donation to the Martyr’s Fund, which we will use for hookers and booze right after you blow yourself up. Of course we realize such behavior makes us impure but we are willing to take one for the team. After all there is only so much room in Paradise.

2. Great Retirement Plan—Instead of the uncertainty that accompanies the economy you are currently enslaved to, ISIS provides a generous retirement plan for both you and your 72 virgins. Forget that pipe dream of ever owning an IRA and bingo on Wednesday nights… Tell McDonald’s to shove it and retire in the Gardens of Paradise with all of your friends. Continue Reading

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Gitmo Vs Justice

Gitmo Vs Justice

This is my response to the following article about 5 alleged 9/11 masterminds, who have been held at Gitmo since 2002 still in pre-trial hearings:
https://www.hrw.org/news/2016/07/26/dispatches-guantanamo-9/11-case-staggers

No doubt due in large part to lack of mainstream media attention of ongoing Guantanamo proceedings, many Americans today believe the perpetrators of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attack all perished on that day. People are unaware of the fact that the US government has detained five men with alleged connection, at least one of whom is deemed to be a “mastermind.”

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Posted in Serious Commentary, War Zone1 Comment

Clinton vs Weiner: The Democrats Are Screwed?

Clinton vs Weiner: The Democrats Are Screwed?

Where are we and how did we get here?

I am paraphrasing the words of Jim Stockdale in the 1992 US Vice Presidential debate. Those are also the words much of the American electorate asks near Election Day.

A sure vote for corruption and expansionary political and military intervention lies on the Clinton side. We have spent two weeks learning via Wikileaks and the Veritas Project things no one wants for any candidacy.

In Mr Trump, we have a trailing opponent candidate standing strong in the face of some dreary personal failures. We had an October 1st kickoff to the insanity with NY Times release of Trump’s 1995 tax return featuring a $916 million tax loss. Trump’s grandest failure was just six days later with the Billy Bush tapes. Like this past week’s Clinton revelations, the daggers were secured by clandestine means. In this brave new world of ours, it seems few things of import remain permanently hidden even for the shadiest of operators. Continue Reading

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Is a Libertarian Vote for Trump Unconscionable?

Is a Libertarian Vote for Trump Unconscionable?

The US Presidential Election is upon us.

Faced with a binary choice, a Libertarian would rightly consider voting for Mr Trump over Secretary Clinton. Ask yourself which of the two “candidates” has a proven track record of choosing war? Was the Libyan intervention in 2011 a war of choice? As President Obama stated at the Democrat Convention this past summer, no one ever running has been more qualified. That was a subtle statement that after the years of war, drones and regime change, Hillary Clinton is highly aware and capable of expanding the American military presence globally. She deserves no consideration from a Libertarian.

And what of Mr Trump? Continue Reading

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Conspiracy Theorists are Foolish: the ‘Hume’s Leap’ Fallacy

Conspiracy Theorists are Foolish: the ‘Hume’s Leap’ Fallacy

 

Some years ago, someone spoke with me about 9/11 conspiracy theories, and said that he ‘wouldn’t put it past them,’ or words to that effect.

This sentence from the person who spoke with me years ago, arguably shines a light on the problem with conspiracy theory nonsense, e.g. the myths of 9/11 Truthers, or of Holocaust denialists, or of those who fantasise about so-called ‘Cultural Marxism,’ ‘New World Order,’ ‘Neoliberalism,’ ‘Shapeshifting Lizards,’ ‘the Rockefellers,’ ‘the Zionist Lobby,’ ‘Eurabia,’ and so on. Continue Reading

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Rfreed’s Novel: 9/12/2001

Rfreed’s Novel: 9/12/2001

This is a book review of Rfreed’s novel ‘9/12/2001.’ Full disclosure: Rfreed and I have both published prolifically here at Glossy News.

The novel has been serialized, whether as a whole or in part, at Glossy News AND Neocon Surveillance. Eventually, there will be two full serials of this interesting work.

***

Rfreed’s 9/12/2001, like so many speculative fiction and alternate history novels, can be boiled down to one clean and simple (if also staggeringly vast) question and thought experiment: Continue Reading

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30 Good Excuses for Tony Blair After Chilcot

30 Good Excuses for Tony Blair After Chilcot

1. It was all John Major’s fault.

2. It was all Saddam Hussein’s fault.

3. Divine intervention (more or less the right kind). Continue Reading

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The Night Before Chilcot (A Poem for the Children)

The Night Before Chilcot (A Poem for the Children)

Twas the night before Chilcot, when all through the nation
The people were pondering the Iraq abomination
Our hopes were all pinned to a gallows in London
Our desire was that Chilcot would damn, with abundance! Continue Reading

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Neocon Puts the Boot into Journalist: Foot Now Halfway Up His Own Arse

Neocon Puts the Boot into Journalist: Foot Now Halfway Up His Own Arse

In a recent article, Justin Raimondo of Antiwar.com wrote about notable neocon intellectual and prominent thought-leadership advocate Max Boot’s comments on Trump: apparently, he would prefer to vote for Stalin than Donald Trump.

(So, at least he doesn’t believe in so-called ‘moral equivalence.’ He’s being a good neocon, then!) Continue Reading

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Dick Cheney: We Have to Put Our Backs into Seducing Moderate Daesh (3/3)

Dick Cheney: We Have to Put Our Backs into Seducing Moderate Daesh (3/3)

And the utter soul-destroying horseshit goes on.

So, what else do we know about Moderate Daesh? Well, the Moderate Daeshis, just like their fellow MPIs (Moderate Political Islamists) the Muslim Brotherhood, always wear a condom…

Even when they are plunging the fear of God into the besuffered little children who are coming unto them, rather than into full grown men and big boys and their upright plastic Johnsons like you and me!!!

Moderate Daeshis, just like their fellow MPI counterparts in Tunisia, do not believe in torturing alcohol sellers to death. Continue Reading

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