‘Fearless Romantic Charmer’ (Creep?) Marries Bradford Lass After 100 Unexpected Cafe Visits (2/2)

Last time:

The best thing of all is when I suddenly had a knock on the upstairs window at 4 am; the poor bugger had followed me home around 6 pm, and had finally plucked up the courage to speak to us!

“You poor lad,” I tutted, as I gently scolded him. “You must be freezing out there!”

And our Wee Davie, does tha know; by ‘eck, but didn’t ‘e shake the bugger all night long!

Well, that were well nice, weren’t it!

This is Part Two, where I ask Lucy about their future plans.

Any wedding bells in the air?

Aye, we’re getting hitched next Friday! No long run-up; I just know this man is the right one for me!

And better still: I ‘ave a sister.

Barney McDonald (short-ass Barney, the lasses call ‘im) has managed to find out her telephone number, email address, favorite sex position, and ‘eaven knows what else!

‘E even ‘as a comprehensive graph of her menstrual cycles and peak insertion times, which I though were well intellectual. Most lads wouldn’t ‘ave the courage to be that audacious, and really go to town on this stuff.

It were proper impressive, I thought. What a clever lad, is our Barney! Such a pity our Cassie dunt like ‘im, eh?

Oo, and with proper readjustments for ‘er contraceptives too, an’ all. I’ve just come over all emotional, I ‘ave. What a beautiful, brave young man, is our Barney!

Double wedding?

No. Now, for some inexplicable reason that I cannot at all fathom in the least, she seems to think his romantic habit of turning up at his workplace with erotic DVDs and new sex toy suggestions is… well, now, a bit creepy, was the word I believe she used.

Does she work at the cafe as well?

No, I think it’s a primary school or summat.

Any chance at all Barney can win her heart?

Probably not lad, no!

Well, there you have it. If you’re looking for love, Bradford is probably the place. I hear they have a few cafe vacancies goin’ an’ all. The love capital of Yorkshire never ceases to amaze us!

Image Attribution: 

George Hodan


Author: Wallace Runnymede

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