“I Mean, Who WOULDN’T Like to Punch a Nazi?” Asks Fellow Nazi

Ari Anacion, self-proclaimed white nationalist, neo-nazi, and part-time full-time child slapper, knows that people like him are likely enough to get punched, when you think about. Nonetheless, he asks, “I mean, why wouldn’t the J… [ED: somebody, anybody, who cares what!] wanna to punch a Nazi?

American-flavour Nazi loons (dullest, blandest but most addictively enticing flavour of all!) are all the rage this season, emboldened by radical trendsetters and ideological hipster like Donald Trump, and whomever is around him he apparently hasn’t fired prior as we roll to print. If ‘Orange like Trump’ is the new ‘Black like Obama,’ then surely intolerance just has to be the new tolerance.

But many on the seldom right, far right, and alt right suggest that punching a nazi just makes those advocating equal rights the actual nazis.

“Not true,” says Anacion. “Unless you’re dyed in the wool American born and raised, you [have] no place here.”

Seemingly unaware that Nazis were European, and that America is a colonized nation which displaced millions of non-Halliburton-porting indigenous peoples, we gently goaded him to continue.

“Jews control the blacks to fight the Mexicans. That’s just a fact.”

Seeing how far he’d steered off course, we asked him how he felt about protesters punching nazis.

“That’s just proof that the so-called tolerant left is the bigger Nazis than us, but I’m the biggest Nazi, but they’re actual Nazis. They hate our freedom, just like that Marxist sellout George Dubya Soros!”

Informed by a colleague who wished to remain anonymous, but appeared to be his mother (or else a mildly enticing elder cousin), Anacion was informed that he only had another 15-minutes on his parking meter, so hastily added, “And who wouldn’t want to punch a Nazi? #NoNaziBut I’ve nothing against them, in fact some of my very best friends are Nazis! And we punch each other all the time. It’s just how we do.”

We asked which of his best friends are not Nazis, but he was unavailable for comment; jogging off, pockets jingle-jangling with meter-bound quarters bearing the face of the “proud slave owner Abraham Washington.”

His representative, who is the same woman who refused to be identified before, this time admitting she was his mother, said we could email further questions, adding, “The government can keep their damn socialist hands off my medicare! By the way, when do we get the racial realist Medicare option without going through Baracas Hussein Rothschild’s shadow Knesset?!”

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