Archive | Religionism

Huckabee Secret Meeting With Robertson Revealed

Huckabee Secret Meeting With Robertson Revealed

Virginia Beach, Va. – Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee met in secret with Dr. Pat Robertson at his Regent University offices recently, and we’ve got the exclusive on this private meeting.

At first glance, the meeting would seem to have been a request for Rev. Robertson’s support. Having one of the nation’s best-known televangelists publicly voice political support could help Huckabee in his quest to reassure conservative Republicans that he is the candidate they want because of his views on abortion rights and gay marriage. Continue Reading

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Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

Two Beefeaters at the Tower of London have been suspended from duty – by the thumbs – while a third is currently undergoing a course of extraordinary rendition in the Tower’s basement dungeons in connection with allegations of harassing their female vegetarian colleague. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt

Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt

A small coven of women were paraded naked, beaten with sticks of rhubarb and forced to eat human excrement by superstitious villagers after being branded as witches in India’s remote northern Moronland province.

Police chief Ramjam Jaffacake told a reporter from the Ducking Stool Gazette that the victims were Muslim widows who had been labelled as witches by a local Hindu fakir – Ragtat Gaga – after he saw them riding broomsticks and fornicating with a ‘man-goat’ in a dream the previous night. Continue Reading

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Diocese Brings Prettier Face to Kiddie Fiddling: Bankruptcy

Diocese Brings Prettier Face to Kiddie Fiddling: Bankruptcy

The US Roman Catholic diocese of Wilmington is attempting to delay the start of a paedophile sex abuse trial yet again with a last ditch bankruptcy move to file for Chapter 11 protection since a celebrated deviant clergy / kiddie fiddling scandal erupted in Boston in 2002.

Now the Catholic diocese in Delaware has filed for federal bankruptcy protection on the eve of a civil trial in a high-profile choirboy groping pederast case. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism3 Comments

Church Choirs Get ‘Shut the Hell Up’ Notices, Finally

Church Choirs Get ‘Shut the Hell Up’ Notices, Finally

Two churches in London have been ordered to keep the noise down after neighbours complained about the deafening hymn renditions from their choir’s singing voices at Sunday services.

Noise abatement notices were issued to the Church of Latter Day Rastafarians in Scumborough Hamlets and the Luciano Pavagrotti Christian Centre for Deaf Yodellers at Smegmadale Gardens last week. Continue Reading

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Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked

Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked

A Smegmashire Church of England magazine – the Avenging Angel – has drawn severe criticism from the laity for describing people participating in traditional Halloween celebrations as “siding with the Devil”.

The Avenging Angel article also claims the children’s practice of ‘trick or treat’ is based on extortion and blackmail and encourages kids to pursue criminal careers as stockbrokers, bankers and politicians. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Religionism1 Comment

Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons

Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons

Sun Moon University, Seoul, South Korea —The final 10,000 Moonies exchanged their marriage vows this week. The ceremony came just before Utah’s Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, prepared to take over the franchise from Rev. Moon and his three sons. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism2 Comments

Vatican: New Shroud of Turin Best Yet

Vatican: New Shroud of Turin Best Yet

ROME, ITALY — The Vatican Museum today announced in a press release that the latest reproduction of the Shroud of Turin is of such great artistic quality that the Museum is immediately adopting it as the “new, God’s only recognized Shroud of Turin” and that it “replaces the first original shroud which dated somewhere in the later part of the 13th century. Everyone knew that one didn’t look so good, it was faded,” according to the release. Continue Reading

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UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly

UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly

A senior bishop claims the Church of England must shed its upper class ‘Mamon & Snobfords’ supermarket image to attract more of the ‘Grotty Grocer’ type of unemployed landless peasant worshippers away from Sunday morning breakfast TV and Scrapheap Challenge repeats – and back to God’s exalted Sabbath portals. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Society0 Comments

Queen Prepares To Have Pope “Over For Tea”

Queen Prepares To Have Pope “Over For Tea”

PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC — Barely had the Spray-Shine dried on his glittery new red pumps, than the newly incarnated Card. Ratziger, as Pope Benedict XVI used to be known to friends, began negotiations for a visit from the Holy See to the Queen of England and Her See. The final Is were dotted and Ts were crossed with the Pope finally agreeing to supply the Royal Tea. Continue Reading

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Dr. Rick Warren in Orbit with God

Dr. Rick Warren in Orbit with God

NASA Headquarters, Houston, TX –by BobZaguy Evangelical pastor Rick Warren has taken on the quest that will bring him into planetary orbit, the ultimate God-like experience. This is an attempt to orbit with the planets, hoping to replace Pluto, whose name is an alternate for Hades, the Greek god of the Underworld. Continue Reading

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Innovative Indonesia: One Sharia Step Forward – Two Humane Steps Back

Innovative Indonesia: One Sharia Step Forward – Two Humane Steps Back

In an all-out attempt to catch up with the 21st Century and their high-tech’ Occidental peers, the foot-dragging Muslim community of Sumatra’s basket case Aceh province seem to be stuck in the Islamic year of 1430 and have just taken a further step backwards into their barbaric past by unanimously approving a numpty Sharia law sentencing convicted adulterers to be stoned to death – with half bricks, cobbles or any other hefty lump of throwable geology. Continue Reading

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Common Purpose? – Dial 666

Common Purpose? – Dial 666

There are now legions of people in the UK cognisant that the planned Kaflaesque-Orwellian European Union Superstate – following the manipulated ratification of the Lisbon Treaty – is just a matter of time and not one of ‘what if’ but simply ‘when’. Continue Reading

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Cloak of Death Nets $1M at Sotheby’s Auction

Cloak of Death Nets $1M at Sotheby’s Auction

New York, NY – The New York office of Sotheby’s has disclosed that the original Cloak of Death, worn by Death himself, has been auctioned off for the amazing sum of $1M. The cloak was reportedly put up for auction by the heirs of one of the last surviving members of Hitler’s Third Reich, who wanted nothing to do with the cloak’s dark history. Continue Reading

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Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

Doomsday cults are big business these days. The Death by Chocolate Cult sadly disbanded.
Phoenix, AZ – It was announced today that the doomsday cult calling itself Death by Chocolate has called it quits due to the fact that their original mission to eat themselves to death with chocolate has not quite gone as planned. Continue Reading

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Middle East Caught Harboring WWII-Era Nazi

Middle East Caught Harboring WWII-Era Nazi

Pope Benny, the all-new German Mark XVI model, has left Rome for a visit to the Middle East – the first tour of the holy places of Christendom by a Pope since Christianity lost Jerusalem to the great unwashed Islamic hordes of Saladin during the Crusades of the Middle Ages. Continue Reading

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