Category: Society
Republicans Religious Epiphany After Election “God Wants Us to be Bi-Partisan”
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his…
The Constitution Of Uzupis – The Free-est Place In the World
The following is the actual Constitution of Uzupis, a part of the City of Vilnius, Lithuania that has declared independence from Vilnius, from Lithuania and apparently from the entire world in 1997. An artist conclave, they have their own elected…
Homeless Man Rakes In Thousands Of Dollars On Election Day By Panhandling
Newark, NJ – Glossy News Elroy Smites was down on his luck ever since the Vulcan rubber factory closed in late 2006. Homeless, destitute, and seemingly without a future, Elroy took to panhandling on the mean Newark streets as his…
Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy
GlossyNews.com – Fundamentalist preachers have been crowing about how the fury of hurricane Sandy’s was leveled at the upper East Coast because of its sins and its liberal bias regarding the Presidential election. “The wages of sin is death” was…
Candidates Politicize God’s Subtle Climate Change “Reminder”
GlossyNews.com – “Look, I tried,” God grumbled, “Picked the most populated part of the country, some of the most contentious states in the election and altered both of their campaign routes, but did they listen? Noooo.” In a last, desperate…
This Election Day: Don’t Vote, Stay Home and Pray
GlossyNews.comMy fellow Christians, there is only one immutable truth on this election day. It’s that God’s will reigns supreme and there’s nothing we can do to change it. So don’t get in your car and drive. No, get down on…
Alaska, All The Reasons Convicts Want To Live Here
Alaska is the land of pristine beauty, untouched by humankind, except for those dirty Russians, Sarah Palin, Exxon-Mobil, and the random arctic hillbilly hiding out from the federal government. But there are plenty of reasons to live here, and rather…
Protester Ousted for Using Capitalism-Made Product
A woman was removed from protest group Occupy after fellow member found out that she used commercial sanitary products. Mary Chambers was dishonorably dismissed from the group following an incident were her bag fell open and the contents fell to…
Children’s Museum Launches Terrifying ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ Exhibit
INDIANAPOLIS – Ahead of its busy Halloween season this month, The Children’s Museum of Indianapolis today piloted a terrifying exhibit in which children were subjected to re-enacted scenes from the movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Offering families a special $5…
Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout
STAMFORD, CT – In the aftermath of one of the worst storms to batter the East Coast of the United States in recorded history, a Republican man whose lakeside house was left with almost $1.7-million-worth of damage at the hands…