Category: Human Interest
Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery
Eleven-year-old Olivia Miller of Gopher’s Gulch, Nebraska recently underwent delicate eye-reduction surgery in order to save her life. “We are all so grateful,” said Olivia’s mother. “For years, her eyes were bigger than her stomach and she insisted on putting…
Marriage Tip: When Black Friday Shopping, Avoid Impulse Purchases
It started out innocently enough. My wife asked me to go to Costco because we were low on shampoo. Perhaps I should not have gone on Black Friday, when Costco had everything on sale. The second I breached the entrance…
97-Year-Old Walmart Employee Granted Early Retirement
Norma Harris, 97, of Rogers, Arkansas, will be granted early retirement from her full time position as a Walmart greeter after 44 years of employment with the mega-retailer. Harris will be the first person in Walmart history to be paid…
200 Cows Standing in a Field (or Not)
ORLANDO–My choice to drive State Road 528 over to Orlando International instead of my usual route via Highway 1-92 through Kissimmee proved premonition pops up more often than not. The emergency broadcast system cut off Buckethead and the crew over…
ATOS Declares Dead Man Fit for Work
In a shocking lapse of judgement last week, an assessor from ATOS Origin placed James Wright, 62, in the ‘fit for work’ group mere moments after he had suffered a fatal stroke. “It was a nightmare,” Rosemary, Mr. Wright’s widow,…
Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA
DENVER–One hundred girls celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the Girl Scouts today by dangling off the fiscal cliff. All participants wore safety gear while standing on the rungs of a mile-long rope ladder lashed together by scouts rocking the…
Researchers Unlock Key to Happy Marriage: Let Wives Do Housework
Hard to believe? Then maybe you’ll believe a study which concluded that marriages where the women do all the housework while the men retreat to the parlor to smoke cigars, read the newspaper and discuss politics with other men in…
“Roof of My Mouth Feels Pruny” Says Man on Mushrooms
William Bergerson, a 22-year-old student at the University of Michigan, recently told this Glossy News reporter that the roof of his mouth “totally feels pruny.” He was tripping on mushrooms at the time, but insisted that had nothing to do…
Pathetic, Dilapidated Barn Still Most Exciting Thing to See For Over 100 Miles
SEYMOUR, IN – Though it has mostly deteriorated following decades of adverse weather conditions, poor upkeep and termite infestation, a pathetic and dilapidated barn remains the single most exciting thing for about a hundred miles. Constructed in the 1920s, the…
Study Reveals Commitment Desire from Male Subjects
A recent study from the New England Journal of Medicine reveals what some men, and one man in particular, is thinking when it comes to commitment and relationship. The particular subject was a man in his 20s when the study began, but even as the study progressed, his persistence continued.